Don’t you hate it when your boss tells you she’s off for the day, and you plan to have a nice relaxing day, doing important work, like checking blogs, paying bills, making your social rounds at work, and then out of nowhere she shows up at your door?

As the trinis would say, 'this gyal salt my flex, yes!'

I am guilty,...I never did hand out that thinking blog award...but I just read this, and almost chocked on my juice....check it out...

Random Thoughts on Thursday....

You know your getting addicted to Craigslist, when you walk in to Pier one and ask them if that’s the best price they’ve got.

It’s quite at the office, and with all the moving excitement very hard to concentrate at work.

Surprise phone calls from secret agents make a girl smile. (Note I did not identify which girl.)

I am in love with the Samsung 32” LCD at Best Buy, even though all I really can afford is the Prima or Westington (Whose heard of Westington anyway?)

Conundrum: To warranty or not to warranty…..on $1000 is it worth paying an extra $200??

Salad King currently has coconut shrimp and Thai Islamic Noodles on the menu. These are two of the most amazing dishes I have ever tasted, and if I wasn’t so darn poor I would have probably had every meal there this week.

It’s sunny in Toronto today, but windy.

I went to Ikea yesterday and noticed everyone was walking in twos.

I also ran into my hot dentist. Who did not recognize me? I was mildly insulted. At first I thought it was because my hair way tied up, but we passed each other several times and not once did he smile. I visited the man every other month for three years, men really are fickle…. (Ok fine dentist men.)

Ex-boyfriends you work with are pains big fat pains.

I had a headache this morning, so I took a Tylenol. Question: does Tylenol just dope your entire body? How does it know which pain to take away??

Owen Wilson tried to commit suicide? Aside from wishing him a safe and speedy recovery, it made me sigh. Isn’t it ironic how you think someone has everything (crooked nose aside) and yet they are self destructive?

How do I sneak out of here early??

I sign my life away today….and I am anxious. I have a feeling that I may be one of those jittery brides. I mean I can sell the house, but marriages well those are forever and ever……and ever……

I can’t wait to send you guy’s pictures.

Ps. I am reading your blogs, even if I am not always commenting…

My parents are getting nostalgic that I am leaving. Every morning, my otherwise non emotional father, greets me with a kiss....its too sweet, and he is secretly handing me $20 here and there to busy stuff when my mum isn't looking.

My mum is funny too. She keeps sending me postings of things on craigs list, that I have already bought, which are now on sale at a higher price....just to show me what a great deal I got.

Last night Fathead and I drove up to richmond hill to buy a rug from a gay couple. I mention that they were gay because when we knocked on the door, the fellow who sold me the couple ran in the girliest way to the door, and as I made an offer he, touched the rug lovingly and said, "Just you give it a good home now."

Moving Update

So it is here, the count down week

I move Friday, and boy oh boy it has been a week of missions.

I am moving on a budget.

After buying a place in a fairly ritzy neighborhood, I find myself with zero dollars to spare and a couple of rooms to furnish.

My newest best friend is Craig’s list.

From Craig’s list, I have bargained and bought a leather sofa, a coffee table, lamps, cushions (amazing cushions) and hopefully a paspasan chair (those big wicker bucket chairs.) Another great friend is Ikea. Love the prices, the selection and oh yes the prices.

The thing that stands out to me for this past month is how generous people are. It sort of like when I was traveling through Europe and met a girl on a train who offered to put us up in Berlin for a week. People know that your on a budget and seem to go out of their way to help you out. From people selling me their wares for next to nothing, to friends offering to roll up their sleeves to lift my 18 boxes this Saturday; it’s a refreshing change from sometimes thinking the world is filled with shysters, thieves and all round awful people. Of course I still have to deal with my lawyer….and since the fellow is charging me $250 for postage costs alone, well…..he isn’t in my good books.

Please brace yourselves my lovelies…this blog is officially become the countdown moving blog…be prepared for rants and raves over the outrageousness of closing costs, the sheer euphoria of entering my home for the first time knowing that its mine, for the panic blog, the what do I paint my white walls when I have black and white furniture blog…and so on…

Tags are like those chain emails, where people tell you details about themselves and you secretly laugh at the fact that they are losers with too much time on their hands….

GC I am not secretly laughing at you, ok fine, I am, however I am doing this too, so you can secretly laugh at me…its a vicious cycle.

Also La Senza Bras must never be bought at full pop, as they always go one sale….

Accent –I have a fake accent. In Dubai I went to a Catholic School run by Italian Nuns and we used to have a few British teachers. We came out saying this like “cotton candy” in a very British way, whilst sounding like an accented Indian in every other way. As Russell Peter’s put it, there is nothing sexy about an Indian accent, so pretty much everyone losses it first chance they get….but its like having pneumonia…it never quite goes away. I am also a lot like GC, I pick up accents depending on who I am around. I hung out with a bunch of British sounding Trinis a couple of weekends ago, and they are all convinced I have a British accent as well……suckers…

I also pick up phrases. For instance I say Oey Vey. I think it’s a fabulous phrase that applies to any and every imaginable event, shock, excitement, frustration, anger….

I also say Leh we Go, (courtesy of Dracs)

I don't drink –Ok, so I sorta do. I love wine and fruity drinks with Umbrellas in them. But I am not a big drinker and usually the DD when we go out. Traditionally I party hearty around my birthday and then lay off the booze for months…

Chore I hate – I love cleaning. I get a particular joy from the smell of bathroom cleaners and bounce dryer sheets. I love the clean gleaming ceramic after I am done with it.

Pets – None. I am more interested in humans. Essential Electronics – Ipod, Cell phone, lap top, tobi (one day,) possibly the electronic knife currently being featured on the shopping network, I love gadgets.

Perfume – but of course….I’m a Ralph Lauren girl….but really supplies are low and Ill take anything your sending my way.
Gold or silver – Gold. Most North Americans wear silver or white gold. My beef with white gold is that 18k white gold looks like silver to me….so why wear waste your money on it. Dubai has the most beautiful gold souks in the world. When your walking around you get a little mesmerized….infact I am currently saving up, so I can go on a little shopping spree the next time I am there…..

An aside: I am the kind of person who hides things and then forgets where I hid them. With all my packing I finally found my precious gold collection and today I am dripping with gold.

Insomnia – Never, even in times of crises I can sleep like a baby, which usually annoys boyfriends.

Job Title –Change Management HR Lead…whatever that means

Most Admired Trait – Like I could have only one…come on people….

Kids – Yes, a cute fat kind, that wears glasses, like in Jerry Maguire, or the kind that go to a posh British school and come home saying, Mummy can I have some tea and crumpets…...

Phobia – Stairs. I am terrified of falling down them…

Religion – Catholic, born and raised…but a bit of a nihilist …..not big on religion, but I’ve been brainwashed too many years not to ascribe to it.

Siblings – Just fathead.

Time I wake up – 6.30 am. On the dot, even on weekends….no matter what time I went to bed.

Unusual talent/skill – I can move my ears. Thank you, yes I recognize this is a great talent…no no I don’t do interviews

Vegetable I refuse to eat –I like them cooked, which I am told is a problem.

Worst habit – Procrastination…..I am the biggest procrastinator….hence I actually doing this list….

X-rays – Do I like X rays? Do I want an Xray? This one really is silly.

My favorite meal: So many to choose from, let’s go with my mum’s cooking for now, since that’s what I am going to be missing soon……but hey…here’s to my future washboard stomach…..

Ok, Thanks GC for tagging me....however I am not going to tag anyone on this one, but instead leave it a choice thing...do you need to procrastinate for a couple of minutes? If so...by all means....go ahead.....

Panty Lines

(It's sad that there weren't more attractive panty line images on google..)

Growing up in Dubai, every September my mother would buy me ten new white panties. The kind that is so big, in case of an emergency you can use them to cover tables. They were always white.

So the first thing I did when I got a job was to indulge myself in all sorts of frilly, colored contraptions that posed as underwear. Black, red, yellow, pink…I have every imaginable color and style. I swore never again to wear full back white panties.

I had an idea of being one of those hot working women who wear stockings and garters under their well fitted pencil skirts.

Then you grow up, and realize that garters though sexy in theory are incredible pains in real life. And stockings are nightmares. How come they’ve managed to repeatedly send people to the moon but can’t make a pair of stockings that don’t get holes…..that my friends is the real conspiracy.

I’m losing my fascination with thongs. It all started with the annual la senza sale, where this pair of white, micro fiber briefs was on sale. Despite my promise to never wear white full backs again, I decided to pick the pair up as part of my 10 for 10. A month later, and I’ve added 10 more to my collection. These are the most comfortable pair of undies I have ever worn. And there is something very sexy about a plain white bra, and white briefs. (Men do you agree?)

The only issue is the damn panty lines. All these years of being line free, it’s a bit grating to walk by a mirror and see the ominous line on a pair of well tailored pants.

I put the question to you, are panty lines back? Or is it that as you get older comfort begins to triumph the perfect look?

To the Society of Romantics and Mislead Hopefuls,

Last night whilst attempting to slumber, I came up with a brilliant plan for all those fragile woman out there, who’ve been hurt in the recent past. I propose that going forward all these woman are given a sheet of bubble wrap with which to cover themselves….thus any teetering suitor, who is attempting to conceal his horns, will burst the bubbles, causing a loud popping sound to emanate, creating a warning mechanism of sorts….

What's that??

Yes your right, I should stay away from crack before going to bed.

Sorry,

CP

A New Low

I am procrastinating on writting a blog......

An Update: Buying a Condo:

So I move in fifteen days.

I am getting a little nostalgic, like when I dropped off my library books, I had a little tear, knowing that never again would I fight off a geriatric for the newest best bet.

Or sitting on my porch first thing in the morning, sipping my tea, hearing the birds chirp, (sure it was the first time I had done it in the last ten years, but) it was sad that I would not have the opportunity to do it any more.

Or hanging with my brother, whose time is now divided between girlfriend and psp; I threw a little hissy fit, when the girlfriend intruded on our pre planned one on one time, or rather I sulked like a two years who isn’t getting her way. Very petty and very childish, but really it’s a very emotional time for me….why oh why won’t the world bend to my will???

I am also getting a little nervous. Two months ago ‘people’ were raving at how great a time it was to buy a place, how prices were going up and up and up. I personally attended a few condo release parties for new developments, where the Formosa was flowing and people were signing on the dotted line faster than you could say “Do the Fandango!” Times were good.

Now I open the papers and it seems like the financial Armageddon is here. Stock markets are crashing, the dollar is dipping, and doomsayers are going on about the housing market bubble bursting. Not great timing for withdrawing all the money I do have floating out there, or very reassuring, considering I’ve now sunk every dime I have into four immaculate rooms.

Oh yes and there is the little matter of massive change going on at work, my car needing new wiring, and my relatively new iron dying….when does an iron ever die? I swear in India they still use irons from the 20’s.

So yesterday I looked up Murphy’s Law: you know the phrase “whatever can go wrong will.”

So very apt

In the midst of this all, I am feeling very calm. Things will work themselves out Inshallah! (That’s a Dubai phrase for you, meaning, by the will of God)

So instead let me focus on all the good things I anticipate for the move:
~Converting those ugly cabinets into my dream bookcase…. Nerdy, but I do so love my books, and yesterday when I packed them all up, I am not ashamed that I hugged a few.

~Walking around butt naked, whenever I want
~Going for long walks that end in ice cream
~Having lazy Sunday afternoons that consist of having the window wide open with the sun pouring in, whilst listening to the blues pour out of my ipod
~Having my flava flav party, with thirty or so of my closets flava flav guests and scaring my neighbors in wondering which crack head has moved into the building
~Cooking my first meal, from my trust “Betty Crocker cook book for two” I found it in my book collection, and it’s a lovely book from a long time ago, that hands out cutesy advice to a newly wed, on how to make her husband perfect meals and also how to conduct herself in a manner becoming to his ‘position,’ Ill pretend that Trevor has a ‘position’

All my shoes have the same annoying problem.

Their little rubber cover on the heel seems to fall off, exposing the nail…thus making an annoying tick tock sound wherever I walk.

This happens not only to my el cheap $20 buys, but also to my expensive….$100 dollar buys (If you were expecting $400 shoes here….please be reminded that no one has yet discovered my true linage as a Maharani and I am still unfortunately middle class.)

Everytime I fix them, it falls right off........It is really getting on my nerves….

Man O Pause..

All my life I was warned, that at some point my mother would explode in a bundle of hormone induced rages and hot flashes. So I prepared myself, scrutinizing her for any hint of irritation or mood change.

No one, not one periodical, not one Date line episode, not one Oprah intervention warned me of the change my father (and various other aging men in my life) would under go.

I had heard of mid life crises, men getting taupe’s, chasing after younger booty, driving convertibles. But I think that this image is either the world’s biggest myth, or it only happens to the rich white folks.

Most men just get really crabby as they age. And for the most part I think it’s out of their control. They begin to whine and complain about everyday things like heating costs and closing the door without a bang, or switching channels too fast, because it screws up the TV (seriously, I am sure Samsung tests for this…) They also begin to fly into crazy rages, where they get so angry they shake. Only what sets them off could be something as silly as not finding a lunch box lid. Perhaps it’s a disappointment that comes with an aging body, a body that once used to be agile and potent, now withering away under saggy skin and effort. I suppose for men a lot of their ego, is based on their abilities, and to see those abilities wither away is disheartening.

My dad has been one of the greatest men of my lives. He has sacrificed beyond measure for my family and I. Yet these days he ranges from unbearable to live with, to happy go lucky, sometimes in a matter of hours. I feel like there’s a cancer inside of him called age, that’s corroding the man he is. I wish I could reach inside him, Green Mile style and somehow suck it out. I am starting to pity my mum, who must be wondering what happened to the smiling, charming man she married all those years ago. Imagine working hard for forty/fifty years, looking forward to retiring with the love of your life, only to find that the toll those in between years took, have left such a significant mark. I guess that’s what they mean by better or worse.

Blind Date: Take One

I’ve never been set up before. A little bit because I think my friends and family are a scared of me….and mostly because I usually meet a lot of men, and it would be like taking candy from a child.

Based on this experience, I have to tell all the single ladies out there, ‘Blind Dates (set up by friends) are the way to go.’ Your friends would never set you up with a psycho, so it’s a pretty safe bet.

As for my experience:

I get to the restaurant fashionably late, and BD is waiting for me. It seems that my dear friend forgot to mention one key fact about BD, his enormous size. The man is a giant. He is at least 6”5, and ridiculously muscular. Beside my petite frame he looked like the incredible hulk. Quite good looking, with green eyes, well dressed, let’s face it ladies, first impressions are the key, and besides his mammoth size (he can’t help his genetics) he passed with flying colors. At the restaurant he was very charming, and sweet. But it sort of felt like an interview, Do I like kids, what am I doing right now, Where do I see myself in five years, What Kind of foods do I like. I didn’t feel like he was grilling me, but it was definitely the 20/20. And sadly there were no butterflies. Also missing was the clever Harry met Sally verbiage. There were also little things that came up, like how he doesn’t like people cooking curry at home (um I’m Indian we love cooking at home!) and the man doesn’t dance, doesn’t like soca, doesn’t like latin music….

So perhaps you can all get on the band wagon and call me too picky, but I like to think of myself as a lady who knows her mind….and whose one great quality is being able to tell the difference between what she wants, and what she doesn’t…

So rather than lead him on, I don't think there'll be a second date....

Now how do I get someone to break it to him??

What not to do Before going on a Blind date

Accidentally post a picture of you real hot and sweaty grinding on a girl who is bending over, shaking her hair all over, and you laughing your head off.

Oh well, its probably better her finds out now anyway....

I watched a horror film last night; I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

Little children, crying, swaying, screaming, talking in tongues…..

Jesus Camp is a must see….

(Anyone who has seen it, please tell me what you thought)

Picture courtesy of: wvs.topleftpixel.com

I am working at our office in Brampton today. (For our US readers, Brampton is a suburb west of Toronto.)

The office itself reminds me of my old high school. It even has the same cafeteria, and I swear say the same people who used to serve my fries & gravy eight years ago.

Someone get me out of here. Send me home, to my glass buildings, my subway, my Nathan Phillips Square with its festivals and live music….to my mall and underground shopping arcades….

This confirms it, I am a city girl.

On butterflies

I have a date tomorrow.

A girl from my work insisted that she set me up with her boyfriend’s friend; my first sort of ‘blind date.’ I am not sure if this is indicative of a new milestone in my life. I’ve been pretty against the whole blind date idea in the past, (never did have a problem meeting men) but with my epiphany over the weekend, I decided to give it a try.

I am still flying high from my weekend with Miami Boy. I keep walking around singing ‘Suga, Suga’ and throwing little whines in the elevator or in my office when no one’s looking… (I know I am such a nerd.) I meet great men all the time, but every now and then (usually every three years) I meet one who gives me butterflies…

Funny thing though, when I am actually into a guy, I get star struck; like those girls on TV who meet Enrique and begin to cry. I never know what to say and my usually witty repertoire comes out awkward. With the rest of mankind, I am my usual flirty self, so perhaps it’s good that I have a crush on Miami boy right now, at least I won’t be awkward with Pollack.


I’m hoping I get lucky twice this month and this new fellow will be able to stir my stomach a wee bit too.

You know what pisses me off to no end??

When you’re happily typing away in Word and it decides to shut down. Microsoft populates an error message that says,

And you click OK, to create the 'error report' and nothing happens.

Who the F*&^ is this system administrator?

He/She never ever replies back.

It’s like some black hole in internet land, where a zillion of these useless messages go.

Why ask if your not going to do something about it???

SUGHA SUGHA

To the Association of Caribbean Canadian Immigrants,

I would like to personally thank you all, for introducing us unworldly people to the pleasures and sins of Caribanna.

I do have a bone to pick with you though. But we will get to that in a sec.

First off a run down of the weekend: Friday night S and I headed down to Glow. After having to let two of our fellow compatriots go, due to un-festive like behavior, S and I had a few obligatory drinks prior to event as prescribed by the broacher. We then proceeded to walk around, admiring how white and ‘glowy’ our outfits looked in the white light, and the tight wife beaters which accentuated various torsos…um um good. Later in the night, we bumped into a group from Florida. One particular group member made a significant impression on me. Not only was he god like in appearance (I always wondered what a chiseled face looked like…) he was funny and rather down to earth. Golden Godboy (GG for short) was with another guy and girl, who also turned out to be a ton of fun. We partied with them all night long, and finally at about five in the morning, after much jumping and waving, (my arms feel very nice, thank you for asking) we proceeded outside, only to find that our clothes were so wet, we could have rung them out and made a tiny pond….(I know, I know ….ewww…yet strangely satisfying.)

On Saturday we went to the parade. Here’s my first bone, why oh why are there huge fences on the parade route. It sort of feels like your at the zoo, where they don’t trust you to behave yourself and not grab the animals. Are you implying that us parade gawkers are too uncouth to control ourselves and simply watch the parade??? The parade was a ton of fun. Mainly I sat around admiring the ‘scenery’ but every now and then was invited to touch, which I did gladly. It’s a tough job being a newbie. Everyone wants to show you the way.

On Sunday we met up with GG and crew. What started off as a quick hot dog, saw us stopping at Jack Astors for some warm up shots, and then heading to a little bar called Muse. As a Toronto Native, I must say I had no idea this place existed. We got to Muse to find everyone sitting around looking very dignified with their martinis and purses. We got a few dirty looks for our loud ways, and then we found a DJ. Poor fellow was hiding somewhere in the back and got bullied into spinning a few “One more times” for us. And lo and behold we had our own fete at 6.30 in the evening. We got so wild that people began to pour in from the street. (Frankly, if we had charged for entrance, it would have paid for our entire weekend.)

At about 10.30 we decided to go to our main fete......the one we had innocently paid $50 to attend…(Who knew we could have had such a good time for free?) So we headed to the docks and the line…ohh goodness…..the line was crazy. Luckily for us, we knew some people who knew some people and got ushered inside, not before a few people cussed us out, (it does suck to wait an entire hour and watch a bunch of hobos just walk in….my apologies.) Now I love soca parties. They are wild, they are sweaty, there are girls walking around with their booties so large it seems like they are about to tip over, but Fire Fete was a smidge too packed. Infact if GG had not been guarded me like I was a precious stone, with his arms of steel, I may have been trampled; it was like a human tsunami. After much frenzied activity we decided to call it a night. There were simply too many people in one little place. I did see my darling Machel, perform, man oh man….how yummy is he???

So here is my big bone. Why aren’t there any nice men in Toronto like GG? Gorgeous, nice, Gorgeous??? It is my opinion that we urgently need to form an immigration committee to review the matter. It seems like all the gorgeous men (who may or may not be nice) are immigrating to such places like Miami or Cali. It’s like the ‘gorgeous men drain,’ we are losing them to the US and I for one feel it is my patriotic duty to change this horrifying trend. I will personally chair the committee. This is a serious matter and I urge you to make haste in finding a solution.

It is the very least you can do for the Women of Toronto.

With kindest regards,
Cranky Putz

I can't blog now.

Oh No,

I am way too busy admiring and gracefully assaulting the beautiful Caribbean men who have flooded my town. How do they move their waists like that?? Ahh Caribanna...

Sugar, Sugar....

Dearest Cranky Putz:

We thank you for your recent submission. Enclosed is your laundry list of irrational fears with our expert comments,

I am fat. –Remedy, Start Tae Kwan Do again CP, this Saturday, aim to go to a minimum of three classes a week, you’ve paid for it. Everyone thinks their fat, and most of the time they are right. Maybe not fat in the obsese OMIGOD 'how do you get out of the house kind of way,' but in the ‘I’m not the right weight for my body type’ kind of way. Your mid section has been increasing at an alarming rate. And your clothes are getting very snug. Time to face a little reality and do something about it.

Dracs is in a relationship with someone else.-Remedy, Um did you not see him with someone else? Understand that he does not want you, if he did he would be with you, simple as that. Also its not if he is in a relationship with someone else, it is that he is. Accept and get over it. If you do care about him, you will be happy that he is with someone, and know that eventually you will meet someone, it is the law of averages. Also stop answering his calls. It’s the least you can do to get yourself some space and peace of mind.

I can’t afford this condo-You can and you have. It’s done, stop worrying about what is already done.

I can’t afford to buy stuff for the condo-Most of the stuff is bought, you were smart, you went ahead and bought a ton of stuff already. The sofa will work out, and everything else you can buy later.

I am going to die all alone-Maybe, but then everyone in the world dies alone. You can’t take anyone with you to the other side. Get over it.

I am all alone, no one’s here to help me out- So your parents can’t really give you any money right now. This was your own venture, remember? This is the first real adult thing you are doing all on your own. Yes it is freaking scary, but most of all, its really really good. It’s a major accomplishment. Huge. Be proud of yourself. And everyone is out there to help you. Your real estate agent, your mortgage guy, all the wise people who keep dropping off mortgage referrals…..everyone. Also remember God helps those who help themselves. Stop being whinny and help yourself.

I’m never going to fall for anyone again.- You may not in the next year. But you will eventually, because let’s face it, you’re a sappy person. You secretly believe in true love and all that crap. You believe in it a little too much, which is why you’re always surprised when things don’t end right. Let’s try to be more realistic going forward.

My life is out of my control-No it’s not, nothing is even happening.

The market crashes and my condo is worth nothing-Markets go up and Markets go down. It is cyclical. Life is cyclical. Forgetting this, is like pretending your never going to die….in your case…all alone…waaaahhhhh.

Sincerely,

The Society of Irrational Fears & Obsessions

Ps. As you can see we are wise beyond our years, failure to act upon these recommendations will result in your list being elevated to the society of Actual Fears & Obsessions….