Cranky Putz

The way you place my towels

2012-01-03T19:26:00.000-06:00

I am starting to notice a correlation between how a man treats my home with the longevity of the relationship. Historically the ones who never made the bed.....turned out to be those on their way out. Most recently, I noticed that the fella in question never bothered to place my hand towels back on the rack properly. I should clarify that I don't have lacy fancy matching towel sets, just a

No Strings Attached

2011-01-21T11:26:00.001-06:00

So there’s a new movie coming out called “No Strings Attached.” I was watching an interview with the director of the movie, who claimed that the theme was indicative of my generations changed views towards sex. As a single girl at first I was sort of offended. I thought back to the many years I strove so hard to keep the number down to my one hand. Most girls are raised with the expectation

2011-01-19T14:46:00.000-06:00

Vanity Fair does this lovely Proust Questionnaire, since I don’t see them knocking on my door anytime soon, here are my answers: What is your idea of perfect happiness? Laughing so hard with the people you love, adore and respect, that you pee a little, and the sun is shining directly in my face. What is your greatest fear? That despite my art teacher’s great warning 15 years ago in my

2011-01-16T18:59:00.000-06:00

There's a local fashion show in Toronto that does some fabulous and fun things on Fridays. This friday I had the pleasure of attending with a friend. Part of the show is a makeover. As the producers went through the rows of women who had their hands up, they noticed yours truly bouncing in her seat. When asked what my opinion of makeovers are, I said, "Well its just hair, it grows back right?

2011

2011-01-13T15:14:00.000-06:00

There is a Drake song that goes a little something like this, “Don't ever forget the moment You began to doubt Transitioning from fitting in to standing out.” It’s 2011. And I’ve had a great start. The year ended in Acapulco, celebrating my birthday with some dear friends and many strangers. New Years was all fireworks from a cliff, picturesque and gorgeous. And then I came back and threw

2010-11-24T20:43:00.003-06:00

This past year has been my learning year. It's like God decided this is the year I would learn my ass off. Learn the limits of friendship, happiness and love. And then Learn the limitlessness of friendship, happiness and love. I am a firm believer in the freedom of crazy.Everyone needs a little safe place to be a little crazy, a little cranky, a little putzy.This has been my safe place for

Return of the Cranky

2010-09-21T09:40:00.004-05:00

My dearest Would Be,It’s finally here. The big 3O. Years ago, in Dubai, my friend Jen and I were sitting in a parking lot (our equivalent to a park) having a serious conversation about life. Jen said that 30 was the IT year, the year that really determined whether your life was going to soar, or stagnate by the pre determination of birth. So here I am, 3 months till the big 30, reviewing the

I haven't done one of these in a while:

2010-09-07T21:57:00.001-05:00

Dracs: CP, Weh yuh?CP: HereDracs: Here, weh, gurlll……Aye Miss Yuh, Aye Need Yuh, Aye think of yuh so I holla…..CP: Uh HuhDracs: So come have a bit with meh and small tingCP: OkDracs: Aye be there in two minutes, get readddyyyyyCP: I need tenDracs: Aye love yuh the way Yuse is, Just come down naah, don’t make meh wait….CP: (Thinks of all the times she waited, and proceeds to prod around

2010-09-07T10:15:00.002-05:00

Cottage-ing is synonymous for adult sleepovers. I spent this weekend with 25 friends and 4 kids under the age of 2 in a mansion cottage. The cottage itself was lovely, with slanted roofs, and little hiding places. The weather was terrible, but the food, the alcohol, the feeling of beating all the felas at poker, was amazing.I’ve come back at least 5 pounds heavier. Which has me thinking that

Asma

2010-08-30T08:01:00.001-05:00

I’ve hung out with Dubya’s friends and this weekend since I was busy with a friend’s bbq, I invited him along to meet some of my friends. At first he was all gung ho. Then he asked if he could bring his friends (normal request, however given that my friend had just spent an hour ranting to me about people inviting people he didn’t know, I had to say no to the request.) Then he magically

2010-08-26T14:20:00.001-05:00

Dubya (aka Mr. W-thanks Jumbs)Friend: How long do you think people should know each other before getting married?Dubya (enthusiastically): 2 yearsCP: 7, unless it’s a war time situation

Tuesday thoughts:

2010-08-24T15:51:00.001-05:00

My cube neighbor is driving me crazy. First off she’s a consummate phone complainer. 80% of her job appears to be calling up various vendors for her personal life to complain about something. The conversations always go the same, she starts off stingingly nice, then her voice gets whinny, and then it switches to downright pretend nice but obviously bitchy. Second she has a troublesome fella

Monday thoughts

2010-08-16T10:19:00.001-05:00

Summer is almost over. I know this because I got a cold this weekend…..change in temperature always gets me a cold. Draconian has found God. I get emails now quoting scripture. Mr. Sales is super sweet. I am really enjoying this new found drama free relationship.Work is going well. I still feel a bit like a child with divorcing parents, with one boss wanting me to travel and the other (who

Mr. Sales

2010-08-11T15:48:00.001-05:00

When you’re young-er you tend to choose fellas based on good looks and general impressions on ‘coolness.’ Then you grow up and realize the good looking fellas went bald before 30 and the ‘cool’ fellas never really grow up and tend to live pay cheque to pay cheque.So you then come up with new criteria for falling in love. If you’re in HR, you come up with the 4 C’s:-Character-Consistency-Care -

Single Tax-Vent

2010-08-06T14:13:00.001-05:00

As you get older being single is a great liability.There are the group outings. The couples usually plan these, and they entice you to come. And You book early and pay up.And then 3 weeks before you go, the schedule comes out and somehow the couples and couples with kids who booked decided to come last Wednesday get the rooms, and the ‘singles’ who booked first are relegated to sleeping

2010-07-26T10:03:00.002-05:00

To the Society of Romantics and Misled Hopefuls,Lately I have had the great joy of seeing Draconian with his new girlfriend on two separate occasions. She’s young, perky, exotic and beautiful. Karma, dear society, is a fat ole bitch. I have also had the joy on going on dates, many, many, many dates.Bachelor #1: is in Sales, a gentleman, but I’m not sure I felt the spark, however he has been

Thoughts on a rather depressing Wednesday:

2010-07-21T08:47:00.001-05:00

If the first time you go out with a dude and he suggests that you help him shop for jeans as part of your outing, is it really a date, or is he just looking for a free personal shopper?Dating should be fun: but frankly realizing how many men in this world I am not compelled by, is plain ole depressingThe person you once loved walks by you on the street (after turning around to make sure it was

2010-07-12T16:54:00.002-05:00

Do you ever hear a song and it reminds you of the most fun day in your life? This mix has me remembering bumpin and grinding Friday nights at the Guvernment. Then coming out at 4 am with my then besties, half naked, as was the tradition in those days and I had the body to pull it off,) only to find our car nowhere in sight. My friend immediately starts to cry, the other two look equally upset,

2010-07-06T19:19:00.003-05:00

Why I love Summer in Toronto: When it’s hot the city sets up emergency cooling centers. They hand out water and tell people how to stay cool. Where else in the world does that happen?The festivals: All over Toronto, someone is celebrating something, whether its their teams soccer win, tasty Thursdays, salsa or some obscure African festival…..if it exists someone in Toronto is celebrating itGay

2010-07-01T19:56:00.003-05:00

Really Interesting how when your not into someone you can see the future, and see all the things that could go wrong because of your differences. But if your into someone all you see is them.

2010-06-27T20:16:00.001-05:00

"Love Oh Love,Stop making a Fool of Me."

2010-06-24T08:55:00.002-05:00

Every now and then a restlessness comes over me.And I can’t concentrate.And the world gets a little dull.And my mind wanders into a space of emptiness.And I begin to search; to stare outside the window, seeing nothing; to look into people as they walk past, trying to imagine their inner most fears; to pick up a book, only to have to put it down; to read a poem, only to find myself unsatisfied by

On attraction

2010-06-22T09:22:00.002-05:00

Attraction is a strange phenomenon.My question: Is it in our control who we are attracted to?Or is all we have control over: whether or not we act on the attraction?

2010-06-15T16:46:00.004-05:00

My Dearest Would Be, Every now and then an imposter appears. He says all the sweet things I expect you will say. He does all the sweet things I expect you will do. He seems suspiciously good……too good. Eventually though he fucks up. He goes too far. He says something stupid like, ‘I bought a condo and I was waiting to buy a couch, till I got you back.’ Or “I love you, you’re the one for me,

Announcing The Return of Baby Pilot

2010-06-07T07:33:00.001-05:00

In times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, she says: Ask the Bloggers.The most romantic dream a girl can have is the man who breaks her heart, magically appearing one day to beg her forgiveness and say that he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, and please oh please can I have another chance. In the dream, the image is always a happy reunion and quick fade into

Crashers

2010-06-03T16:51:00.002-05:00

Last night I attend a spring mixer courtesy of an advertising vendor. There were a lot of artsy types floating about. As we chatted we were approached by a well dressed fella, who came over shook hands with all of us and proceeded to chit chat. Everyone in the group exchanged awkward glances; no one had any idea who he was. Ten minutes later it was obvious, he wasn’t anyone. He was a real

Big Apple Observations:

2010-05-30T17:43:00.004-05:00

The Sheraton Tower’s has the best bed’s on the block, a great location and killer free breakfast that is worth its weight in gold. New York’s Metro could really use a good power wash, amongst other things. Torontonians have no reason to complain about our shinny subway system. Virgil’s BBQ has lovely saucy tender pieces of meat, with glorious corn bread, baked beans and slaw….. Wicked: Is a

Female Dynamics

2010-05-25T20:09:00.001-05:00

Why is it that relationships between women are often fraught with challenges? It seems that the older I get the more it becomes apparent to me that us girls can’t seem to get along. We do on the surface: we laugh, we hug, we speak in whinny voices about Justin Bebier, but when it comes down to it, there is always a level of bitchiness. At work, my experience has been that women are just not fun

2010-05-18T19:22:00.003-05:00

My grandfather once said to me that the saddest thing in life is to outlive your peers. I didn’t really understand what he meant till this weekend. My 21 year old brother was throwing a fabulous party downtown. I am a big supporter of my fabulous brother. And often in life, you can’t do much else in the way of support besides just showing up. I made plans to attend the party, asked around and

Set Ups

2010-05-17T18:34:00.002-05:00

My hygienist is a sweet, well meaning girl who I am still working on forgiving for the torture she put me through with the whole wisdom teeth fiasco. She has decided to make it up to me by setting me up with a friend. Friday night at 11 pm, I get a txt from her, saying she’s got a friend, who would be great for me, blah blah blah. She says, “He’s tall, from a good family, got a good job etc. and

2010-05-16T19:22:00.001-05:00

My Dearest would be,Could you please, pretty please love to do dishes?If you display a sincere enthusiasm for doing dishes….I’ll fall in love instantly.I can do everything else…..Sincerely CP

My Learning's for the week

2010-05-14T16:15:00.003-05:00

Everyone should have two bosses, one who gives them structure, and the other who gives them hope Some things aren’t worth your precious breath. If it won’t matter in a few months or a year, let it go. Some things just aren’t your fight. Even when there is a rational, viable reason that a change should be made; take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Having something to look forward to,

New York New York

2010-05-12T19:24:00.000-05:00

I’m going to New York with my most snazzy Gay BFF. When planning the trip I realized that this trip would be a little bit different. There would be the obligatory gay night: dancing with gorgeous men I cannot touch, and fanciful things like mimosas at 8 am. I did not fully appreciate how over the top everything was going to be. First there was the hotel. We could have stayed at a normal

Wisdom Teeth

2010-05-07T18:14:00.001-05:00

Readers, When someone tells you that taking out 4 wisdom teeth is no big deal, slap them for me. They are lying. And it is a vicious lie. Here are the facts:It’s a big dealIt’s surgeryYour face swells grotesquelyYou can’t eat for at least a weekYour cheeks get hard, like there’s a rock sitting in your jawYou can now accurately picture what you will look like if you were to gain 60 poundsYou’re

Update

2010-05-07T18:00:00.000-05:00

GC kindly requested an update on my life. I’ve noticed that blogs are really boring when the blogger is happy. I wish I could write about my crazy boss, co-workers or job, but the truth is, my boss, while not perfect is great. Compared to what was happening six months ago, I almost want to hug her each morning and every Friday as 5 o’clock draws near I get tears in my eyes, thinking it may all

Should vs. Could

2010-04-29T19:06:00.000-05:00

My name is Cranky Putz, and it has been three hours, twelve minutes and thirty seconds since I had a regretful thought. I say “Should” a lo:. I “should” have done this; I “shouldn’t” have said that, I “should” do this etc. I got to thinking. Using ‘should,’ implies a lot of regret, oh so negative. Using ‘could,’ implies opportunity. Using should in a relationship (work or personal,) implies

2010-04-20T20:16:00.002-05:00

Every time I get a new job, I keep thinking, this is it; this is the job that is going to challenge, excite and push me forward. And then a few weeks go by and I soon learn the ins and outs of the systems and process and I fall back into bad habits, devoting 30% of my time to work and 70% to wasting time. If there was an accolade devoted to time wastage, I do believe I would be my Oscar. I

I Is He

2010-04-09T20:32:00.001-05:00

So Dracs sends me an email on Easter that said:Someone is thinking of youSomeone loves youSomeone wants to know your okSomeone misses youSomeone wants to know you’re alright And so on… And all I thought was: “It’s just like him….. I can even hear his voice: “Someone Misses you Cranks…looks like meh, sounds like meh, acts de fool like meh…..but I jus can't confirm that I is he. Seen” What an

2010-04-07T18:05:00.000-05:00

Visiting friends is always fun. I even enjoy the drive up to Detroit, me, my ipod and my thoughts. We shopped, we laughed, we danced, we ate…we had a jolly good time. Then her new boy friend arrived. No biggie, since I had met him before and he seemed like an okay sort. Saturday night we go to a party, a karaoke party as it turned out. The thing about karaoke is it’s imbalanced entertainment.

2010-03-30T18:46:00.001-05:00

Starting in new organizations can be a fun experience. Your first month usually consists of a lot of 1 on 1’s where your allowed to talk unabashedly about how great you are (they expect this, since they only hire the best) and attend a lot of training to help you get oriented into the culture. In training you’re usually shown a book that the company culture is based on. Sometimes it’s a folksy

A little extra help...

2010-03-11T19:21:00.001-06:00

In an effort to live my best life (as Oprah would say) I’ve made a few changes this year:.A week before starting work, I purged: books I never wanted to read again, clothes I hadn’t worn in years, pants that were too tight and cheap looking, (Orfus was a great place to shop 5 years ago, but doesn’t quite fit with my future;) shoes that are cute, but so uncomfortable to wear; cheap jewelry

Forgiveness

2010-03-10T21:26:00.001-06:00

Lately I’ve been thinking about forgiveness. In Invicitus, Mandela is quoted as saying, “Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear, that is why it is such a powerful weapon.”I am not the kind of person who carries around a grudge. I am too hot tempered for that. I get angry, I burst and then I am all better. (It was a surprise to me when I realized that most people are slower to anger,

Forgiveness

2010-03-10T21:26:00.000-06:00

My Mystery

2010-03-10T21:25:00.000-06:00

The Facts:I live aloneI thus place all items into my laundry togetherThe distance from my laundry to my folding area is a mere 4 stepsI fold my laundry instantly and put it away (Would be, please take note of my exemplary habits)The Issue:I almost always end up with a missing sock after doing laundry.To date I have 4 unmatched pairs of socks, I have searched and searched but to no avail.The

Cheers to a New Start....well sort of:

2010-03-03T18:43:00.002-06:00

You know that saying “God shuts a door, but opens a window and all you have to do is crawl through it.” I got back to Toronto prepared to hustle. Work at a grocery store, mystery shop, do what it took to pay the bills. I made a list of things i had always wanted to do, but never had the time. Silly stuff, like be an extra in a movie (turns out you have to pay them first....) Instead my first

Interviews are a Bitch!

2010-02-18T09:44:00.001-06:00

There is nothing more ironic than ex-recruiter looking for a job.Here are a few interview tips, that may be of use to you:No matter how wonderfully you are performing at your job, or how much you love your current work place, keep an eye on job boards, it keeps you informed of your value, your marketability and what the competition is looking for. There is no substitute for research and

An Olympic Poem

2010-02-17T12:48:00.002-06:00

Thought that this poem from the opening ceremony was so novel, it was worth repeating a bit of it here:"...but we are morethan genteel or civilizedwe are an idea in the processof being realizedwe are youngwe are cultures strung togetherthen woven into a tapestryand the designis what makes us morethan the sum total of our historywe are an experiment going right for a changewith influences that

Fascination

2010-02-14T11:21:00.000-06:00

It is a Sunday evening and the reels skips ever so slightly. He is bent over, intently watching the image before him, devouring every inch. He has watched the reel relentlessly for the past 10 years. Her image is etched in his mind. He lives in this reel, his eyes closed he can see each image, each angle of her body, each curve. What is love but an unending fascination?

Unwarranted Fears

2010-02-08T10:39:00.003-06:00

Not all, but many of us, of the fairer sex are socially conditioned to be bad at math.I have spent the last fifteen years, shying away from basic addition and multiplication. When the cheque comes I coyly wait for someone, usually a man, to work out my half. To tip, I simply round up the GST & PST and add it in. I am always in awe when someone calculates the tip down to the last penny.The

2010-02-04T13:04:00.001-06:00

Is trying to remember that time is a gift.....

Carpe Omni

2010-02-03T11:25:00.001-06:00

I'm back In Toronto, with a simple resolution:To conquer my fears and Take It All!

Realisation

2010-02-02T19:31:00.002-06:00

Never Happier than when I am about to get on an airplane.

Speeches

2010-01-28T09:57:00.005-06:00

So every now and then i get a request.. this one was a Doozy, my friend S had to give a best man speech in an hour...could I write one? To prove to God knows who that I do know some thing about love here it is:Hey everyone I’d like to start this speech today by thanking W for making me his best man. I’ve known W since the ripe age of thirteen, and have shared many a ‘learning’ moment with him,

2010-01-28T01:07:00.001-06:00

Regret is the bitch who won't stop whispering in my ear, little taunts of how I've gone wrong.

My Cherize Amour

2010-01-21T03:43:00.001-06:00

After things fell apart with BP, I wanted to run home, movie like, next plane outta here. He dropped me off to my cousin and booted, while I cried and cried like a kid. My cousin in her infinite wisdom, refused to let me go. She told me that running away solved nothing. I ofcourse thought it had been a highly effective strategy so far. But I acquiesced and every other day would broach the

2010-01-17T10:44:00.004-06:00

My Dearest Would Be,I thought I was wise.For the past year, I have looked around me and smirked secretly to myself, watching as my friends fought with the men they love about things as trivial as where to eat.I thought to myself, if I am ever again blessed with love, I will never take it for granted. I who have spent the last two years alone, contemplating the value of walls vs. a home, would

Retirement

2010-01-14T06:30:00.002-06:00

The thing about retirement is that when your ready, your just ready. It`s like that Scarlet Ohara saying: `Tomorrow is another day.`Thanks for reading. CP

How CP fell in love in Dubai.

2010-01-08T10:40:00.001-06:00

For the next three weeks BP (Baby Pilot) drove 45 mins each way, each day to see me. At first I admit my cranky scepticism was full blown. No one is that nice, right. One day he drove my brother and me to the gold souk in Deira so that I could take my bro on an abra ride. (Tourist aside: You could go for a boat ride in the Jumeriah Madinat for 50 Dirhams, or you could go on the abra for 2

2010-01-08T10:19:00.001-06:00

2009 ended on a terrace in Mumbai and 2010 began with CP dressed to the nines sitting with friends at a dirty dosa shop. And then came Dubai.The thing about falling in love when you’re on vacation is, at first you’re always wondering if it’s real, or if you’re just getting caught up in the moment. But I am getting ahead of myself. I haven’t told you how we met.After my first week in Dubai, I am

Dubai Updates

2009-12-21T01:22:00.003-06:00

The first part of my dubai trip is almost done. Here are a list of my accomplishments thus far:-Visited a crazy amount of malls, Dubai Mall for its Gold Souk and Aquarium, The Mall of the Emirates with its Ski Slopes, Deira Mall, Media City Mall......malls in Dubai are way too big, and sell irrelevant merchandise produced for the north american market....-Visted the Gold Souk (My Fav Place on

Dubai Likes to do things Big...Even its Debt

2009-12-03T00:25:00.004-06:00

Everywhere you go people are talking about the $80 billion dollars in debt Dubai recently claimed. When the Sheikh of Dubai came out recently and claimed that the debt had little to do with the government of Dubai, people were a little outraged. So what now? What does this big ole debt mean for Dubai and its future plans? The way I see it a couple of things:First off all the wonderfully large

Dubai-What's Changed

2009-11-30T01:44:00.002-06:00

Most of you know that I grew up in Dubai till I was about 16 and then moved to Toronto. I visted here 5 years ago, just as the city was beginning to undergo some of its more extravagant projects like the Palm Islands and Atlantis hotel.Today the city is almost complete. The famous cranes still linger around, putting finishing cosmetic touches on the city. The metro line while not entirely

Emirates Business Class

2009-11-29T00:29:00.002-06:00

You know what makes you forget shitty things???Emirates business class on a double decker plane...(Fancy name the the A380.) Each seat is a little pod. The seat retracts full to allow you to sleep as if you were in a mini bed. The service is ofcourse excellent. And they have a bar, so if in the 14 hours after your 3 course meals you get a bit peckish, you can go over and have a chat with a

2009-11-21T13:30:00.000-06:00