Thursday night Dracs calls me at work. Says what you doing lets have Mexican. Well it wasn’t that straight forward a conversation, with Draconian nothing is ever that straight forward. I spent the last three weeks fortifying myself against him and I said to myself why not, I can have a casual dinner with him.

So I meet him and he is delicious as ever. Why oh Why is he so freaking charming.

It’s about five in the evening and we decide it is too early to eat, so we end up at his place to ‘change.’

And……..well ……….and.

Only in the midst of it, his elbow somehow pummels my nose and boom, I am sitting on his futon blood pouring down my hands and I am horrified. And he is horrified.

And it’s sort of funny, until the celestial meaning hits me.

This man’s broken your heart over and over again and now he is breaking your nose.

Of course it is unintentional, but with him, I always get hurt and he never means to hurt me.

We laughed, we did our thing, but the celestial realization was too much. When we looked at the watch at it was nine and a couple more realizations hit me. I had missed my beloved Grey’s Anatomy, we weren’t going to eat dinner, since any minute now he is going to say he’s got to go pick up his cousin, and to boot, I now have a swollen nose.

So we have a fight. A circular messy fight. The same fight we’ve had for the last two years. He says he can’t deal with me when I carry on. And he lets me take the bus home. I mean I waited the obligatory five minutes at his door. And then took the bus. And I cried like a buffoon all the way home. So by the time I got to my door I had a swollen nose, and a swollen face. I was quite the sight.

He called to apologize, and I left a message with mean horrible things and then called back four hours later to apologize. And somewhere I just realized that this is it. As much as I love this man, I cannot let him ‘unintentionally’ hurt me again.

This isn’t a sympathy post, it’s an honesty post.