You Start to Think Like this:
I am 26. How the heck did that happen?
I mean, just yesterday I was sixteen, wondering what I would be when I grew up and when I would meet the love of my life.
Sixteen was a great year. I met many cute boys, I had my first bring home boyfriend, I fell in love with Latin Music and salsa, and I was acing every class in high school. Life was sweet.
Then I turned seventeen and I met Krazee. He worked with me, and those three years were nothing short of Krazee. I mean stuff out of novels and talk shows, Krazee. I look back at it now and wonder what the heck God was thinking. I was sixteen, I was sweet, why would he ruin that?
Eventually things with Krazee came to a head, and after some drastic measures (changing my number, threatening to call the cops on him,) he left me alone. I then had a good two years being single again. I was prime single age, 20 going on 21, going on real dates, (no more Burger King for me, I was big time now.)
I remember one guy he was cute, a little thuggy and had a car so low, that I personally felt every little bump on the road. I remember being at the restaurant and him showing me his Machiavelli tattoo, and getting excited I incredulously asked, you read Machiavelli? Of course it was too good to be true turned out he got the tattoo after he bought the Tupac Cd. Sigh.
But as I said it was prime time, life was good.
And then I met Selfish. I fell for selfish instantly. Because he represented all the things I was supposed to look for in a man. Handsome, outgoing, ambitious, great job and he seemed to genuinely like me. Within three weeks he was talking marriage. He introduced me to everybody as his girlfriend; I could say the word ‘girlfriend’ to people proudly. It felt great. His family was warm and fun; I loved his dad and mum. They had to be the best part of the relationship. But poor selfish was a conflicted man. He never knew whether he was going or coming. At first I admired his hesitance as a sign that he was careful. I absolutely believed him when he said wait for me. So I waited. Rather patiently considering I am the least patient person in the world. And I waited. Only to find an email three years later, saying he had decided to let me go, so that I could find someone better. Excuse me? You couldn’t have figured that out three years ago?? Of course the truth later came out, turned out he found someone a little closer.
Never you mind, I still had hope.
And then I met Draconian. And I was distant and thoroughly North American. I neither hoped nor expected, after all this was going to be a wham bam, thank you mam deal. Only it never turned out that way. Instead he turned out to be charming, funny, smart and a whole bag of absolute perfection. And eventually I began to hope, while chastising myself for hoping the entire time. The trouble with undefined relationships is that eventually you get to ‘the point.’ The point when its five a.m, and the sun is about to rise, and you’ve just had urgent needy sex, and your lying away from him and you ask the ‘moot’ question, am I your girlfriend. And he mumbles why? And eventually he says yes, but you know that its over; maybe not that minute or next week, but eventually, because the man is an emotional vent, he can’t keep nothing with him.
So then you end up here, 26 walking to work, forcing yourself to be hopeful, that something fabulous is just around the corner. But every now and then doubt creeps in. What if I blew it? What if all that time I spent with the Krazee(s) and the unavailable(s) I let go of the ‘could have been(s)’? Or scarier yet what if there is going to be no love of my life? Now your probably thinking, this girl is silly, and too romantic.
I mean how long can you hold out hope for? What if you’re just unlucky?
Note: Unless your the Big G, or psychic (you will have to prove this to me) please resist from saying, You will meet someone any day now...cuz that's not really what this post is about.