Tuesday, January 09, 2007

What Happens When You Watch Two Seaons of Grey' s Anatomy in a week?

You Start to Think Like this:

I am 26. How the heck did that happen?

I mean, just yesterday I was sixteen, wondering what I would be when I grew up and when I would meet the love of my life.

Sixteen was a great year. I met many cute boys, I had my first bring home boyfriend, I fell in love with Latin Music and salsa, and I was acing every class in high school. Life was sweet.

Then I turned seventeen and I met Krazee. He worked with me, and those three years were nothing short of Krazee. I mean stuff out of novels and talk shows, Krazee. I look back at it now and wonder what the heck God was thinking. I was sixteen, I was sweet, why would he ruin that?

Eventually things with Krazee came to a head, and after some drastic measures (changing my number, threatening to call the cops on him,) he left me alone. I then had a good two years being single again. I was prime single age, 20 going on 21, going on real dates, (no more Burger King for me, I was big time now.)

I remember one guy he was cute, a little thuggy and had a car so low, that I personally felt every little bump on the road. I remember being at the restaurant and him showing me his Machiavelli tattoo, and getting excited I incredulously asked, you read Machiavelli? Of course it was too good to be true turned out he got the tattoo after he bought the Tupac Cd. Sigh.

But as I said it was prime time, life was good.

And then I met Selfish. I fell for selfish instantly. Because he represented all the things I was supposed to look for in a man. Handsome, outgoing, ambitious, great job and he seemed to genuinely like me. Within three weeks he was talking marriage. He introduced me to everybody as his girlfriend; I could say the word ‘girlfriend’ to people proudly. It felt great. His family was warm and fun; I loved his dad and mum. They had to be the best part of the relationship. But poor selfish was a conflicted man. He never knew whether he was going or coming. At first I admired his hesitance as a sign that he was careful. I absolutely believed him when he said wait for me. So I waited. Rather patiently considering I am the least patient person in the world. And I waited. Only to find an email three years later, saying he had decided to let me go, so that I could find someone better. Excuse me? You couldn’t have figured that out three years ago?? Of course the truth later came out, turned out he found someone a little closer.

Never you mind, I still had hope.

And then I met Draconian. And I was distant and thoroughly North American. I neither hoped nor expected, after all this was going to be a wham bam, thank you mam deal. Only it never turned out that way. Instead he turned out to be charming, funny, smart and a whole bag of absolute perfection. And eventually I began to hope, while chastising myself for hoping the entire time. The trouble with undefined relationships is that eventually you get to ‘the point.’ The point when its five a.m, and the sun is about to rise, and you’ve just had urgent needy sex, and your lying away from him and you ask the ‘moot’ question, am I your girlfriend. And he mumbles why? And eventually he says yes, but you know that its over; maybe not that minute or next week, but eventually, because the man is an emotional vent, he can’t keep nothing with him.

So then you end up here, 26 walking to work, forcing yourself to be hopeful, that something fabulous is just around the corner. But every now and then doubt creeps in. What if I blew it? What if all that time I spent with the Krazee(s) and the unavailable(s) I let go of the ‘could have been(s)’? Or scarier yet what if there is going to be no love of my life? Now your probably thinking, this girl is silly, and too romantic.

I mean how long can you hold out hope for? What if you’re just unlucky?

Note: Unless your the Big G, or psychic (you will have to prove this to me) please resist from saying, You will meet someone any day now...cuz that's not really what this post is about.

12 comments:

Miz JJ said...

I feel you on this post girl. Especially since I just heard that one of my ex's got married to his evil girlfriend. I suppose now she is his evil wife. I have wondered the same things, or if I threw away a good one, or if I lost out on my chance at happiness. Now I am not a psychic, but I do believe that you can not lose something that is meant for you. Great post!

would b said...

serendipity

Crankyputz said...

Mizz J: Selfish got married 3 days ago....so I feel your pain, its not like you want them back, but it still sucks that it wasn't you....


Would B: I have not yet found a glove nor am I searching for an obscure book with a phone number inside it....so bah! to serendipity....

Kingston Girl said...

Hmmm, I'm with you on the ex's getting married thing - i don't want them back, but I hate to think they've 'beaten' me to the altar!

And my current man was originally chosen as a 'get over man' - fun and no commitment to get me over a break up. At first I did think am i wasting time, should I be holding out for mr perfect instead of just having some fun? Well, it's been nearly a year and we are together properly now and it's going well and who knows, he might indeed by my mr perfect!

Leon said...

Your love life is quite interesting. How does this relate to Grey's Anatomy again?

Jim said...

kingston girl - "I hate to think that they've 'beaten' me to the altar".

I think this is part of the problem. Selfish probably got married in haste and will probably be divorced in a few years. I would hope that it's not a race to the altar, and it's unfortunate that Cranky Putz feels down about not finding the right guy yet. But it's such a good opportunity for her to really find the right guy. Not just some guy that feels like the right guy at the time.

If she was still with Selfish, she'd be getting married and it probably wouldn't last. Right now she's in a position where the right guy might come along and she won't have any barriers. Cranky will look back some day and say thank god it didn't work out with selfish.

It's never too late, especially at the young age of 26!

GC (God's Child) said...

Good riddance to the whole lot of them!
I just had a brief date from back in 04 write me in order to gloat over his great job and new apartment. What a bum!

I chastise myself for hoping also and then I come to my senses and feel hopeless again.Then someone comes along and says "Oh, someone is just around the corner" and I want to reach out and throttle them and say, "I was doing so great with my hopelessness and building up a mountain of it so that it would all tip over into a state of nubial luck and I would just meet him like tomorrow but now you've jinxed me"!

So with that in mind:
No one is around the corner. There is no hope! No hope I tell you.

[Feel free to always do me the same courtesy]

Gela said...

I don't know if there's any woman on earth who doesn't ask, what if? Was I silly to let that one pass me by?

I ask myself too.

kevian said...

Nice post reminds me of some of the things I went through and it also makes me trail my relationships. I had similar experiences.. but I was bad alot I had simultaneous relations and all.. but now I am fairly settled.

Oh yeah and last night while I was in the gym I met this guy who was informaing me of the status of my bastard Xboifriend ronald. He told me that he going to get married and that the girl is pregnant.. i said to the guy.. GOOOD LUCK TO THAT POOR GIRL!!. But inside I felt a little sad and i don't know why because i hate him..lol.

Crankyputz said...

Leon: Everything relates to Grey's Anatomy. But the lesson to be learnt here, is that watching two seasons straight, can make u depressive....thus I am getting back into UFC, I need to get my tetesterone levels up.

Jimbo: Nice of you to weigh in, I am already saying OH thank god I didn't end with selfish.

GC: i love your line of thinking, I Too feel there Is NO one coming your way, and you may as well let it all go...why shave anymore???

Gela: There is a really corny Eagle's song, called Wasted Time.....it makes you laugh at first and then you get a little nervous....

Kevian: It's not that we want the x's back, but really shouldn't all x's go to x's purgatory and be damed to a life of regret?????

Stephen Bess said...

I'll just say that it's amazing what can happen in just 1 min in a day. :)
Yeah, it's too bad that the guy didn't actually read Machiavelli's book, The Prince. I was just talking to my younger brother about that book not long ago. Peace to you beautiful sista. :)

Abeni said...

I've been told all the bad dating history is just to remind you what fabulous is when you meet the right one. I believe it is true as well