Monday, April 16, 2007

Crying Wolf

Friday I went for a massage. I love massages, they are so relaxing. However sometimes I find massage therapists can short change you, and being the brilliant person I am I came up with a ‘strategy’ to get the most out of my hour.

Thus far the strategy has been highly effective....until Friday....when it backfired.

The ‘strategy’ is to complain about a different part of my body so that the therapist will pay a little extra attention for the session. On Friday wise ole me decided to go for lower back pain. I mean I didn’t have any lower back pain, but I thought it would be a good place for the therapist to focus on. Last time I complained about my legs, and it was awesome.

My regular therapist had absconded to another spa, thus I was recommended to Natalie, a giant recent immigrant from some Rogue Russian satellite state.

Nat: “Please relaxing and take deep breath, is there anything special you want me to work on today.”
CP: “Well My lower back is a bit stiff these days.
Nat: “Tension, is problem for office worker, I will work. You don’t worry, today your back will be first class back.”
CP: (Inward smile of pleasure at having my little strategy work)

Nat then begins to warm my back up and then starts to pull on my back. I have no idea what this woman did, but my god it hurt. It hurt like hell. I was actually screaming. And I recently survived a two year braces ordeal without so much as a peep.

Nat: “Oh you must be very stressed out, you have such a low threshold for pain.”
CP: (in my head) “Well it could be because you are maliciously ripping my body apart you sick brute....”
Nat: “Relax, Relax, this is for you, for you, you must enjoy, it help you, you feel first class, Please take deep breath”
Nat: “I said deep breath, not scream, you must not make so much noise, people will get worried.”
CP: “Stop, Stop, I was only lying about the back pain, I swear”
Nat: “Oh silly girl, it No hurt that bad, you are woman, woman must learn to bear pain, very important lesson for you.....”
CP: “Please I swear I was kidding, really”

Moral of the Story: Crying wolf during a massage will leave you crying for real....


Miz JJ said...

LMAO. I went for a massage once right before a certain time of the month and I noticed I was much more sensitive than I usually am.

GC (God's Child) said...

poor kid. That's what you get for lying. Next time wait til your usual comes back.

SimplEnigma said...

LMAO...Wish you'd have put this story up on Tuesday. Went for one on Wednesday, complained about my shoulder, and now I have several bruises where she kneaded me too hard.

At least you had the balls to scream. My woman was so scary, I just bore it in painful silence. LOL.

bitsandgiggles said...

That is funny ;-) I wouldn't have had the balls to yell..I probably would have just stayed on the table thinking that it must be good for me because it costs so damn much!

Jdid said...

nat: quit cry like baby. when i was in yugslavistania as child i endure real pain with forced march barefoot through 10 feet snow with 50 lb sack of potatoes on small back without crying. little spoilt cranky girl so wussy! you never survive in yugslavistania! :-)

Crankyputz said...

Listen here buds, I wasn't crying like a wussy, the woman was torturing me, I had no option but to yell out, I have a well developed Threshold of pain...HMPH!

Marika said...

That is hilarious!!

I agree with bitsandgiggles. I would have whimpered like a baby and then wept about it for weeks afterwards.

Are you going to go back (no pun intended)?

Lene said...

now you have to go back for that lady to rub out your lower back pain.

jay bee said...

very similar to a story anna may tells in her blog!

gela said...

Hehe. Oh Lawd.