Friday, April 20, 2007


Every Thursday the boyz and I go to eat at a Jamaican place called “Crystals” a little ways away from work. Crystals is like “Misery restaurant.’ It’s a nice place, the food is tasty, but the service is something else. Asking for a menu will get you a chupse from the waitress, cuz now she has to walk over all the way to the other side of the restaurant, What you thinking she here to work.? CHUPSE.

This Thursday we noticed a discernable difference in the portion size, and the prices had gone up by a dollar to boot. This didn’t sit too well the fellas:
“I used to be able to share ah piece of fish with everybody, but sorry folks today yuh only get to look”
“This goat full uh fat. Where de goat?
And so on.

Bill time comes and there’s a lot more hewing and hawing about the portion size. One good Samaritan took it upon himself to be the spokes person and go in the back and have a talk with the owner. The owner apparently started to explain to him the Law of Diminishing Returns, telling him that the portions they were serving before were too large to be cost effective. Our spokes person looks him in the eye and begins to explain to him the Law of Diminishing customers....

Anyhoo so the bills are laid out and I take a peek at mine and notice that I haven’t been charged for my two delicious strawberry daiquiris. Being the shyster I am, I quietly look around to see if anyone else is saying anything about a funny bill. Two of them start to complain out loud about being charged 50cents for gravy. The rest of them start to talk about boycotting the place for a while, two weeks, just to show them that we mean business. “Hear, hears” of agreement are flying all over the place. So we pay our bills and get on out.

Walking back to work, they are talking about the boycott, complaining bitterly about the gravy charges, and I tell one of them, well I’m ok with it, I got a break on my drinks. At which point I notice all of them looking a little sheepish with devilish grins on their face,
“Whaaat? You got yours free too? I thought I is the only one.”
“Damn, girl why didn’t you say anything, I thought I was getting a break”
“Why nobody say anything??”
“Why you think I run out there so fast fuh?”

Shysters the lot of them, I haven’t laughed so hard in months....


Jdid said...

I like the law of dimishing customers bit
We always complain that most west indian resturants around these parts are too 'sumtimeish'. one day the food real nice, nex day is like they fire the cook and hire some idiot who just douse everything in salt for no apparent reason.

never been to crystals and since the portions getting smaller i probably wont either

strawberry daquiris? a wha kinda west indian resturant that is though. dem nuh have ting and kola champagne??

you guys best not go back for a while

I suggest going to ritz. the food is nice.

Jumbie said...

Hmm, I am wondering here if the food price gone up to cover drinks. :-D

GC (God's Child) said...

yes, the strawberry daiquiris gave me pause also.

But when I think about the labor that goes into the food as compared with a fast food restaurant, as well as the amount you get for the price you pay, not to mention the taste, well, the ones around here are pretty fair.

Crankyputz said...

Ok, so maybe thats why she made a face when I asked for one, Dumb Indian girl, can't just have a cola champagne like everyone else CHUPSE

Miz JJ said...

You guys are shysters. This is why local businesses go under. Lol. I kid. I only go to one West Indian restaurant in my city. The food is always consistent.

SimplEnigma said...


A West Indian restaurant wouldn't be a West Indian restaurant unless they pile your plate with meat, 2 sides and a "salad". Full stop.

LMAO @ "today yuh only get a look"...I love my people.

Jdid said...

ya need to learn that all dem fancy drinks on the menu is only fa show. is only three drinks you have to worry about at a west indian resturant; Ting, Ginger Beer, Kola Champagne. That is all thats necessary :-)

Trouble said...

Hmmm... So some poor chupse'ng waitress had to pay fi all ya'll drinks... ... ... Women!

Crankyputz said...

Hey trouble I was the only woman!

SE that's the way it used to be.

Lene said...

that happened to me at a red lobster, and now i can't go back there again.

for west indian restuarants, i locked off sunrise. for me, the sun has set. the food is wack, and when you see more white people than black, time to go. i order a oxtail and they are like, "you want stew chicken gravy?" wha? chicken gravy? wha happen to the oxtail gravy? must have bun up the food til the gravy gone... wack!

Leon said...

Maybe the owner understood the Law of Diminishing Customers and gave you guys breaks.

Abeni said...

lol..that's so funny..diminshing customers

kj said...

HAHAHAHA I'm with Diddy...mi wan some Kola Champagne bout NOW!

"Why you think I run out there so fast fuh?”
HAHAHA...I laughed at that one!

The OE said...

Thieves I say. All of you.

Crankyputz said...

OE: One man's theif is another man's Robin Hood..


gela said...

Hahaha, this is funny. Got a hearty laugh from this one.