Tuesday, August 07, 2007

SUGHA SUGHA


To the Association of Caribbean Canadian Immigrants,

I would like to personally thank you all, for introducing us unworldly people to the pleasures and sins of Caribanna.

I do have a bone to pick with you though. But we will get to that in a sec.

First off a run down of the weekend: Friday night S and I headed down to Glow. After having to let two of our fellow compatriots go, due to un-festive like behavior, S and I had a few obligatory drinks prior to event as prescribed by the broacher. We then proceeded to walk around, admiring how white and ‘glowy’ our outfits looked in the white light, and the tight wife beaters which accentuated various torsos…um um good. Later in the night, we bumped into a group from Florida. One particular group member made a significant impression on me. Not only was he god like in appearance (I always wondered what a chiseled face looked like…) he was funny and rather down to earth. Golden Godboy (GG for short) was with another guy and girl, who also turned out to be a ton of fun. We partied with them all night long, and finally at about five in the morning, after much jumping and waving, (my arms feel very nice, thank you for asking) we proceeded outside, only to find that our clothes were so wet, we could have rung them out and made a tiny pond….(I know, I know ….ewww…yet strangely satisfying.)

On Saturday we went to the parade. Here’s my first bone, why oh why are there huge fences on the parade route. It sort of feels like your at the zoo, where they don’t trust you to behave yourself and not grab the animals. Are you implying that us parade gawkers are too uncouth to control ourselves and simply watch the parade??? The parade was a ton of fun. Mainly I sat around admiring the ‘scenery’ but every now and then was invited to touch, which I did gladly. It’s a tough job being a newbie. Everyone wants to show you the way.

On Sunday we met up with GG and crew. What started off as a quick hot dog, saw us stopping at Jack Astors for some warm up shots, and then heading to a little bar called Muse. As a Toronto Native, I must say I had no idea this place existed. We got to Muse to find everyone sitting around looking very dignified with their martinis and purses. We got a few dirty looks for our loud ways, and then we found a DJ. Poor fellow was hiding somewhere in the back and got bullied into spinning a few “One more times” for us. And lo and behold we had our own fete at 6.30 in the evening. We got so wild that people began to pour in from the street. (Frankly, if we had charged for entrance, it would have paid for our entire weekend.)

At about 10.30 we decided to go to our main fete......the one we had innocently paid $50 to attend…(Who knew we could have had such a good time for free?) So we headed to the docks and the line…ohh goodness…..the line was crazy. Luckily for us, we knew some people who knew some people and got ushered inside, not before a few people cussed us out, (it does suck to wait an entire hour and watch a bunch of hobos just walk in….my apologies.) Now I love soca parties. They are wild, they are sweaty, there are girls walking around with their booties so large it seems like they are about to tip over, but Fire Fete was a smidge too packed. Infact if GG had not been guarded me like I was a precious stone, with his arms of steel, I may have been trampled; it was like a human tsunami. After much frenzied activity we decided to call it a night. There were simply too many people in one little place. I did see my darling Machel, perform, man oh man….how yummy is he???

So here is my big bone. Why aren’t there any nice men in Toronto like GG? Gorgeous, nice, Gorgeous??? It is my opinion that we urgently need to form an immigration committee to review the matter. It seems like all the gorgeous men (who may or may not be nice) are immigrating to such places like Miami or Cali. It’s like the ‘gorgeous men drain,’ we are losing them to the US and I for one feel it is my patriotic duty to change this horrifying trend. I will personally chair the committee. This is a serious matter and I urge you to make haste in finding a solution.

It is the very least you can do for the Women of Toronto.

With kindest regards,
Cranky Putz

18 comments:

Jdid said...

like the women of every other city you must complain that the men from everywhere else are better mustnt you? lol

glad you had fun at caribana and didnt run to the hills or is that cottages like most non-caribbean people though

GC (God's Child) said...

re Gorgeous men
you could just relocate but where to? I don't know. We are having the same problem around here. If they are gorgeous, they aren't very nice or they are married--lockdown kind of married with married potbelly and everything.

Miz JJ said...

I can not believe I missed all the gorgeous men because I was watching someone else celebrate their love. Again. Dammit! I say we ban weddings on the long weekends.

Can I be vice president of your committee. We can review applicants like the girls on My Super Sweet 16. Have them audition for us by taking off their shirts and answering skill testing questions like "How often should you bring your girlfriend flower?" Answer "Weekly is the bare minimum." Heh.

Crankyputz said...

Miz JJ: That is an excellent idea, your definately on the committee...

Mad Bull said...

The gorgeous men not going there because it too cold! Cold causes shrinkage and gorgeous men can't model with shrinkage. You need to migrate south.

Lene said...

i agree. i refuse to pay $50 for a party that was free before 11 the week before.

Christie said...

Pretty soon, they'll all get sick and tired of paying our insane medical bills and rush back to Canada. Nothing woos a man like a woman who nurses them back to health, especially if you are wearing a slutty nurse outfit.

Christina_the_wench said...

Do I need to set up a border patrol to keep the gorgeous men here in teh States?
I'll do it too! ;)

Kingston Girl said...

am late on the scene but congrats on the condo! It's amazing to own your own place

and there is an interenational shortage of cute guys - there is a global fight to attract them to your area... play dirty if necessary

SimplEnigma said...

I'm with Jdid...they're only hot cos they're not from Tdot. Cos' I have soooo many issues with NY men, but I find Toronto men to be some of the most goodlooking...*whew*

Right now someone from Florida is ranting about the lack of GG's there. LOL...The Circle of Life.

bobby said...

LOL @ MB he hit the nail on the head

Abeni said...

Glad you had fun but I was reading about all the activities and ruing I stuck in St Vincent..sigh

Crankyputz said...

MB: you tell em, us Canadian Girls are the best insulators...

Abeni: Next year you should plan on bieng here.

Fiyah said...

The grass is always greener they say... but you do know that they have made migrating to Canada more and more difficult for West Indian men right?

Crankyputz said...

Shame on them Fyah...we must fight such damaging policies....however please note I will be picking based on looks...

The OE said...

We don't live in Toronto because we're in XXXXXXX, XX

Crankyputz said...

That is exactly the problem OE...

Karabana said...

lol, they don’t trust you to behave yourself and not grab the animals, that's why the barricades! Some parade gawkers are too uncouth to control themselves and simply watch the parade. ;-)