Thursday, January 24, 2008

Rules of Travel for a PIO

There are certain rules that a person of Indian Origin follows when traveling:

Rule #1: You must pack the most unnecessary stuff when traveling back to the motherland….items like clothes (hello aren’t most of our clothes made in India??) laundry detergent….and the most random items you have collected over the years, to give as gifts….

Rule #2: You must pack as many suitcases as you are allowed. You must also securely fasten your suitcase with a rope…..preferably in a neon color…. You must also stick the craziest stickers on your suitcase, so that you can identify them in the motherland.

Rule #3: Even though you are aware of weight restrictions, it is important you look completely surprised when your bag is over the allotted 23 kgs. It is also your moral duty to sit there and argue with the airline representative on how completely unfair and random weight restrictions are.

Rule #4: You must then make your way to the side of the airport and painstakingly move the above mentioned laundry detergent and such to evenly distribute the weight.

Rule #5: Whiles in the motherland, you must accumulate as many forbidden and contraband food and liquor items to take back with you. Yes you were warned on the way out and will be warned on the way in, about how bad it is to bring back a few juicy Alfanso mangoes, and country liquor, but really, you reason, its only a few mangoes…what harm could it do. Also you reason, its partly national jealousy, after all, what if anything do you sneak out of Canada into another country? Maple Syrup??

Rule #6: When you finally hit the final immigration line and the nice immigration officer says, “Welcome home, are you carrying any spices, food items or alcohol” you must put on your sweetest face, and like Peter you reply, “No, No Officer, those Indian spices are so smelly…” And pray that he does not notice the beads of sweat trickling down your forehead, evidence of the one suitcases entirely filled with sweets, banana chips, spices, country liqor and other such items.

Rule #7: You must heed your mothers warning and ignore your bags, letting them take a spin on the little bag wheel, while the mean airport security dogs sniff out the loot in other bags…

Rule #8: On the way out….you must walk at a normal pace, heart beating fast, until you get the outside…at which time you breathe a huge sigh of relief and congratulate yourself at another wonderful ‘food smuggle’

Rule #9: Once outside, you wonder how soon you can dig into those yummy banana chips…..

13 comments:

Christie said...

I once smuggled pot on an airplane. Does that count? I couldn't go a whole weekend at Magic Mountain stone cold sober, could I? The trick is to hide it in your tennis shoe, under the padded stuff.

Christie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grant Miller said...

We're toying with the idea of travelling to India in the not very distant future. I will keep this list handy.

Leon said...

Smuggling? Shameful Cranky. What's next? Drugs?

Miz JJ said...

LOL. I can definitely relate to this post. My mom is always bringing back tons of stuff with her. Dasheen bush, royal oak rum, roti shells, mangoes etc. One time she even brought back some 'fresh' coconut water. It's hilarious. Any pics to show?

GC said...

all I want is some ackee

SimplEnigma said...

Odd, these are the same rules for Caribbean people going back home.

The grip with the rope around it is a must.

Lene said...

last summer, i brought back 12 bottles of rum, and two cartons of cigarettes.

my mom smugglesout food on the regular. brought back a whole jackfruit, breadfruit, and sugar cane.

Jim said...

Rule #10 - Blog about how you smuggled food and liquor out of India only to have a Customs Agent knock on your door the next day to confiscate your items

Jdid said...

i like rule #10

actually i think i look shady so i never attempt any of that stuff. they just look at me and determine that they must search my bags so I dont even try.

Stunner said...

Yuh turn real big time smuggler!

Adrian said...

I would def crack under the pressure lol :(

longbench said...

This smuggling ting require you to be the biggest liad ever. Act annoyed and impatient like all the other passengers, and it takes care of the guilt. I smuggle in cherries, pineapple, otaheiti apples, jackfruit, mango and june plum every year from Jamaica. If asked if carrying in stuff, always say yes, name SOME and note that the fruits were cooked and preserved for travel. They think you are actually being honest and they don't bother you. Well, its been about five years and counting since I've been doing this. I don't want to ruin my luck though.