Monday, March 17, 2008

Protracted Attraction

I had a male friend over who I met last summer for dinner and a movie, it was fun. He’s a cool kat, whom I am not attracted to in the slightest, but who is interesting as a person. As a single girl I am allowed to do this, hang around and meet people, for the sake of hanging around and meeting people.

Not so much with you tied up folks. Take fella, he had to obtain permission. His girl was concerned (rightly so) since I had met him after they had been ‘dating.’ How dare he want to hang out with some hot single girl? (I had to throw in the hot.) He was allowed to meet me, so long as it was in a neutral place, like a coffee shop. My house, not so much.

Now boys the best remedy to such a situation would be to introduce your girl to your female friends. They would see that these gorgeous girls were otherwise pre-occupied with My man Tuesday’s, potential Would be’s and Alien Hands etc. The threat would cease and desist.

Instead you’ll choose to ‘pretend’ to submit to their demands.

Yet it got me thinking. Why is it that when your in a relationship, your supposed to completely shut off your attraction to other people. Now I am not talking about sexual attraction or cheating. I am talking about the excitement of meeting new people, who you could be attracted to for their points of view, or their life style.

A lot of married bloggers interact with us single gorgeous people through the blogsphere.

Do your respective others ever wonder what the heck you guys are doing? Do you get grief for it?

It seems like most of my married male friends routinely get involved in secret crushes with women they meet. With some prodding, I’ve come to realize that it’s because meeting new people, especially women is like their guilty pleasure. It’s forbidden, so they obsess about it.

Does attraction have to attend once you are happily wed?

21 comments:

Radmila said...

I think that no one has to really worry much about people your partner tells you about.

Rule of thumb should be "your friend can be my friend".

It's the secret friends whom people have to worry about...and those...well, you don't know about them until it's too late.

no?

Chris said...

Radmila said no?

YES!

Stephen Bess said...

No, attraction doesn't go away. For me, attraction to other women is sort of reduced to sitting in a classroom near a pretty girl. I would look at her sometimes and say, "wow, she's so pretty." :)

Thankfully, My wife doesn't worry about me. I keep things respectful with her and with the women in the blogosphere.

Radmila said...

LOL....YES!!

Sorry...I was channelling my mother there for a sec.

Chris said...

@Radmila

No, I meant yes that I agree in the affirmative with your negative reply of no.

No?

Radmila said...

Who's on first?

Jdid said...

I dont think its so much the trust their man thing as an they dont trust you thing and I'm not sure meeting you would change their minds. And by you I dont mean you specifically I mean their boyfriend/significant others friend of the other gender.

Its all to do with experiences too. I know of situations where women have tried to steal other women's boyfriends (Sometimes the guy is down sometimes he isnt)so it leads one to just be cautious about the motives of other women.

Some people do things like cut off friends of the other gender after marriage, to me thats sort of silly. You can have all your friends and just keep things respectful between you and dont put yourself in strange situations.

Mind you I'd have to say if I was dude's girlfriend and you were inviting him to dinner alone at your spot I'd be a bit sceptical. If it was a public thing not so much but in your home hmmmmm. Its not so much what happens as the appearance of possible impropriety.

Stunner said...

Interesting questions and perspective. Maybe I do need to start meeting a lot more single ladies :)

Crankyputz said...

So last night, my black berry is buzzing like crazy.

Rad agree with you, the ones you hide are the potential dangerous ones...and yes you do find out about them too late.

Stephen/Jdid: Agree that respect is a key.

Jdid: Just because a girls single doesn't mean she would go after a married/taken guy. I can't think of one of the taken men in my life that i want. But I do find them interesting and like socalizing with them.

Also I don't see why a home is a dangerous place. People get in on eveyrwhere....if you can trust someone in a cofee shop, you can trust them watching a movie at a friends place....

Chris said...

People get in on eveyrwhere....if you can trust someone in a cofee shop, you can trust them watching a movie at a friends place....

Ummm, what kind of coffee shops are you going to?

Marika said...

Yes! Marriage, from what I can gather, is a large hole from which, once fallen into, the light of Attraction To Others is completely extinguished.

Abeni said...

I've seen people who are not married but dating cut off all friends from the opposite sex. Some girls even think it is weird to hang out with other guys that they were friends with.I think it's just plain crazy,cos all you have to do is know the boundaries

Crankyputz said...

Chris: Starbucks!!!

Abs: Your right boundaries are key.

A little trust doesn't hurt

Adrian said...

"married bloggers interact with us single gorgeous people through the blogsphere" lol classic.

I think its unhealthy to believe that people shouldn't have friends or meet new ppl of the opp sex when they are in a relationship. If they are gonna cheat you cant stop em... so stop friend blocking.

The OE said...

People who are married, or almost married, need to avoid these kinds of things or risk a breech in National security

Jim said...

I think I'd have to agree that having someone at a coffee shop is much different than having them over at your place (alone).

GC said...

I don't like the idea of taken people hanging out with single people in private. What's that all about? If they want to be spending all that time alone together why don't they just get together?

I see nothing wrong with hanging out with a group of friends who are single/taken. But that one on one business makes no damn sense to me.

Jdid said...

i'm not saying you are going after anyone. I'm just saying girlfriends have a right to be sceptical

Mad Bull said...

All I would say about this is, when you start down this road (of having someone else's man spend time with you all alone in your apartment), make sure that you can handle yourself in a fight, because some women nuh romp! Also, if you can arrange the whole fight thing properly, set up a ring, bring on the mud and the bikinis and invite me to watch the event, I'd be grateful.

Trouble said...

Seconded...

Leon said...

I really don't give a damn about where my girl goes or who she sees. Guess it's 'cause I'm not the jealous type.