Monday, March 09, 2009

My Dearest Would-Be:

It’s been a while.

You’ve been on mind lately.

You tend to be on my mind when everything else goes to the shits.

Turns out I am high strung Would be. (I know sweetness, I’m a little shocked too.) All this time I’ve been going around suspecting that I may be high maintenance (sort of like that line in ‘When Harry met Sally,’ “you’re the worst kind, the kind of girl, the kind who thinks she’s low maintenance but is infact very high maintenance.)

But High Strung? Who knew? You see the other day I made a startling discovery. I realized that I (shock of all shocks) maintain myself. I own my own house (with the bank,) buy my own Banana Republic suits, take myself to dinner, dancing and the movies. Would Be, I am ridiculously self sufficient. Why I almost cried when I realized that I don’t require any maintenance.

Then I read the definition of a ‘high strung’ person, defined as someone having an extremely nervous or sensitive temperament. My recently developed nervous ticks, inability to breathe properly and generally increasing levels of anxiety came to mind. Would be, I am a high strung lover.

You see Would be while I don’t require any of the monetary maintenance, I crave the other stuff. In HR we call these soft rewards; the touchy feely stuff that increase your retention and make for a happier, more productive work force. These strategies include: an articulated, coaching and mentoring process, i.e. weekly one on one’s with your boss to talk about your future in the company, an employee of the month prize, a pat on the back for a job well done, true empathy for difficult personal situations.

Some people are motivated by the money, in a relationship’s case, by the end goal, marriage, sex, a really good settlement. Would be, I appear to be motivated by the soft rewards, the altruistic kindness of a partner, in listening to your most boring thought with keen interest, the hug when they walk in the door, the little unique language that you develop between each other.

Thus Would Be, It would appear that whilst I need you to be a generally nice person, who is good looking and has a hot bod, I also need you to be able to convince me to do the whole relationship thing. I need you to articulate the benefits.

Oh this whole post is making me twitch.

CP

11 comments:

Jumbie said...

this is a wonderful ad. i love it. :-)

SE said...

Aww...*sniffle*

Jdid said...

nervous twitch? are we off our meds again :-)

gishungwa said...

Iam you.I also need to be able to convinced to do the whole relationship thing. I need see to articulate the benefits.

Abeni said...

Two is better than one..how's that for relationship reasons?:)

James said...

Deep Question Cranky: If Would Be read this article, would Would Be still be Would Be? Or would Would Be be Never Be? Or perhaps Would Be would be Will Be.

I think I just confused myself...

Deb S. said...

You give us a lot to think about. As for James, he has confused ME. :-)

Stunner said...

Mr. Would Be has a lot to think about.

Cool Destiny said...

Mr Would Be sounds like a loser if you have to tell him this stuff. That was great though ... and James confused all of us!

Grant Miller said...

Is this about me?

Ruthibelle said...

no, James didnt confuse us all.. I got it. And Would-be better come good and ready and well-prepared or else not at all then, huh??