Tuesday, July 14, 2009

To my dearest CNN,

When Iraq invaded Kuwait for the second time I was 14.

The year started out normally enough; a growth spurt, the realization that boys could make your heart flutter and the first girl/boy party. Then things began to get a little nutty. There was Saddam on the TV sprouting all sorts of nonsense about Kuwait. And suddenly before we knew it, the news came that the duffer had invaded Kuwait.

That’s when I first met you.

Prior to the invasion, most of our news came from the BBC. But on the day of the invasion, some brilliant head of state, decided that our one television station would now solely be dedicated to your news channel, 24 hours a day.

Hour after hour, we watched the as the dark, black screen would light up with green sprays of light every twenty minutes.

It was then I realized a few things about you CNN. For one, you’re a focused kind of station. When a subject grabs your attention, your mesmerized, nothing and no one will pull you away….well that is till the next major event…which brings me to my second point, your kind of flighty, enthralled and infatuated one moment and in a second onto the next thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I do so love watching you. It’s my most favorite thing in the world to press ‘33’ on my remote each night to see where silver haired Anderson is ……the man is always in the most unnecessary places, being unnecessarily heroic.

And dearest CNN, may I confess, Larry is starting to scare me a wee bit. When does retirement kick in for him? Surely you can afford to let him take a break, has he not worked enough?

But really CNN what I am here to talk about is this endless fascination with MJ. Hey I was a big fan too. And I do care about how he died and what will happen to his children. However I’d like to wait a little to get the information. I’d like the police, the lawyers and the family to have a little time to figure it all out. I really don’t need you reporting on every little piece of information, without first seeing if it makes a little sense. I’d also like you to focus a little more on the meaty stuff, you know run of the mill war in Iraq/Afghanistan type stuff.

Things are getting a little precarious for you these days. Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s ambush of MJ’s doctor was a little too reminiscent of that TMZ show.

Shape up CNN,

Lady Putz

9 comments:

GC (God's Child) said...

Cranky
you're going to have to turn it off
they won't change

Leon said...

One word: ratings.

Leon said...

One word: ratings.

Jumbie said...

Hmm, Sanjay Gupta still at it?

After taking a bashing for his mental deficiency from Micahel Moore, and other independent sources one would think he would be hiding in some shame.

I'm inclined to think he has some Trini blood and skin of crapaud leather...

Abeni said...

As Leon say it's all about the ratings.Larry King is seriously annoying, he needs to either beef up the interview questions or just retire.

cooldestiny said...

I know ... is it just me or is this latest sensation about Barack & Michelle Obama's trip to Ghana, which in itself is notable, but the twist of their ancestors being slaves and "probably were kept captive in this very room with finger marks showing attempts at clawing out of this room ... blah blah blah". I found it quite distasteful how it was portrayed and presented, no matter if it is true or not.

Radmila said...

CNN is the "news as entertainment" channel.

The very idea that anyone could take CNN as a serious portal of world news is laughable.

At least The Onion is intentionally funny.

Stunner said...

It's all about sensationalism, which leads to ratings, which leads to ads, which lead to money. It's all about money. So when CNN gets a story the ride it till it dies and then the drop it after a few resurrection attempts.

Yow unnuh a go low Larry, di man a show seh he can work till the day he passes on... as scary as he looks.

Mad Bull said...

You and I are as one in this! Fire for CNN!