Lately I’ve been thinking about forgiveness. In Invicitus, Mandela is quoted as saying, “Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear, that is why it is such a powerful weapon.”
I am not the kind of person who carries around a grudge. I am too hot tempered for that. I get angry, I burst and then I am all better. (It was a surprise to me when I realized that most people are slower to anger, and hold on to it for a while longer.) It is also impossible for me to dislike someone I love.
Yet there are some hurts that last a little longer. I generally forgive the act, but forgetting is another story.
When I was in Dubai, one of the most hurtful things that happened to me was being omitted from an old friends wedding. Now this wasn’t just any old friend, this was like a best friend, whom I had grown up with in Dubai and moved to Canada with. We had some great life experiences together and though we hadn’t kept in touch over the years, she still has a soft spot in my heart. Being omitted hurt.* Then was the infamous friend who ran away. (Incidentally these two are friends, so I am sure there is a deeper story I am not aware of.) And last but not least Baby Pilot. Granted things didn’t go too well, but no reply to my pretty email or call, was a bit of a shock. I tried to understand and since there was nothing left to do, I forgave him; yet almost daily, I remember.
So how does one benevolently forget? Forgiving is easy for me, but there is always a little nag of hurt that remains. Or maybe it isn't true forgiveness I am experiencing???
*Note Weddings in Dubai aren’t like in North America, everyone gets invited, strangers of the street, your friends extended family etc.