Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Onward and Upward!

Went to see a condo last night, which was a cozy closet. Actually I am quite confident that the entire condo was the size of my current room and closet. Everything was tiny, the bedroom, the sauna, the gym. It was like a building built for midgets. My exasperated realtor kept hinting that if I continued to want to live in the area I would have to accept the size and price. Perhaps, but I saw a ton of apartment/condo buildings along the way. And since I have tons of time, why not keep looking. I must be the most irritating type of client to have, one with just enough money to be taken seriously, who has the most impossible demands and who seems willing to wait indefinitely. Little does poor realtor know, but my goal is to move by next summer and not necessarily next month. Poor chicky.

I just read the most disturbing book, called Ghost Children by Sue Townsend. It was about the choices various characters had made about having children and the obsession it became afterwards. The most disturbing part is the description of this fellow punching out a fourteen month old, that makes you want to reach into the book and snatch his neck and shake him. The saddest ironies of life is that sometimes the ones who are having children are the most thoughtless and neglectful people out there, and those who have the desire to be caring and giving parents are often childless. And the lack of children itself becomes an obsession that takes over them and their lives.

The weekend was non eventful. I did nothing and avoided the outside world. Instead I watched a couple of documentaries the first one on Tornado chasers, about people who live on the edge. The next was on Noam Chomsky and the media. I had heard about Noam Chomsky before in passing. I knew he was a sort of leftist softie, against the usual American Policy stance, which the documentary confirmed, he is. But I do think he is a little more complex, like most leading figures. He rightly points out that things like the civil rights movement and India’s battle for independence were not events carried out in isolation by one man (Ghandi, Martin Luther King.) There were a million unsung/unheard of heroes that did the work.
After all no matter what we think, no ‘revolution’ is ever free from ugliness and bloodshed on both sides. Of course Mandela was a pristine leader, sitting in his cell quietly contemplating emancipating South Africa, his wife was outside leading the change, and inevitably got her hands dirty. Anyway I digress. I find Chomsky interesting, not for his political views, (those seem rather common place) but for his willingness to at least purport that he will listen to both sides of the story and to stand up for what he believes (defending the fool’s right to freedom of speech even though he was claiming that gas chambers did not exist in WWII.) I am also interested in figuring out whether Noam is suggesting we live in a state of civilized anarchy?

And now a final word on Draconian. Anyone reading this blog may think that for quite a bit, it has been all about him. In a way it has been. I met Dracs at a time in life where everything was muddy. The life I had planned for myself had failed to take shape. Even though he obviously does not realize it (or perhaps a better word is ‘care’,) he has been a huge part of my life for the last two years. He has been present in everything I did and part of many of the choices I made. I didn’t plan it that way. Frankly I planned it quite the opposite. It is always the one you 'plan' not to fall for that you ironically fall the hardest for. Dracs is the most fascinating man I have met. Part of his fascination is his expert ability to be as cold as he needs to be to protect himself from anything that would hurt him. Or maybe that is just me being fanciful. Either way, though I probably will not mention him again, I miss him and his spirit hangs over me like a shadow I long for. I can not be sorry I met him and I know that I will forever be sad that he left. And even though I know he does not feel the same, I won’t help it.

Now onward and upward!

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