My parents are having a marital stand off…..over grocery shopping and satellite dishes.
Her case: Saturday afternoon and my mother (who has never seen the need to get a driver’s license) decides she needs my father to not only take her to the store, but to spend quality time with her, as she mulls over the price of Broccoli.
His case: Saturday afternoon and my father wants to screw around with the illegal satellite box he is mildly obsessed with. It should be noted that his continued screwing around with the satellite box has lead to nothing but less channels and more static. Pop thinks it is appropriate to drop wife off to grocery store, hike up and down the ladder at least twenty times whilst obsessively bugging fathead to see what the signal strength of the green bar is, and later return to pick up wife.
It ended up with them yelling at each other and speaking one word sentences for the entire week.
Result: A week long war, that has left the household starving…..(as a show of independence my mother has withdrawn all cooking services)…..whilst my father proclaims loudly every single day, that he has no problems eating out of a can for the rest of his life.
My mother calls today:
M: I have an ingenious plan
CP: (Sceptical noise)
M: It’s the long weekend. We’ve been invited to 3 parties.
CP: Pop’s does love his parties
M: He needs me. He can't go alone. He’ll give in.
M: (EVIL GENERAL MUSHARAF LAUGH) Psychological warfare CP…..you should try it sometime.