I think I am missing a fundamental Indian Chromosome:
The ‘I am now 25 (going on 26) and need to make my life’s preoccupation- marriage chromosome.’ It’s not that I don’t want to get married; it’s just that I don’t feel the need to worry about it, just yet.
I am more worried that I won’t ever have one of those ‘Gone with the Wind’ kind of loves. I mean I could theoretically get along with just about anybody. That’s so blah. I want the ultimate, the incredible, the unfeasible and the incomprehensible kind of love that makes life exciting. Yes I am a little too starry eyed.
I went to see my financial consultant, a genial old Indian fellow.
We exchange pleasantries and I say, “I want to buy a condo by the end of next year, so I need to make sure that I am saving enough money.”
He looks up concerned.
And he says, “Let me tell you a story….There was a girl, much like you, who come to Canada, and became very ‘Canadian’ (he spits the word Canadian like a bad taste in his mouth) and she bought her own condo. Then she ended up meeting a man, who she married, only the fellow mooched off her. Because she was independent the guy didn’t get a job, and when they got divorced he got half of her condo.”
(CP thinking and this has what to do with me??)
He looks at me sweetly (head titled) and says, “Listen you live at home, and when your Prince Charming comes, together you buy a house and Live happily ever after.”
And I stare at him and he continues on this line of reasoning for the next forty five minutes, giving me the most bizarre examples of why I should get married before 30.
I conceded the obvious fact: two incomes are a whole lot better for maintaining a standard of living. (I held back the fact that it wasn’t necessarily better for ones mental health.) Yet I would still like to have my own place.
He looks at me as if I am slow. And he repeats, deliberately articulating every word, ‘Just wait till you marry Prince Charming. He will take care of you.”
I say (a little louder) “that’s not an option.”
And then he drops the bomb, ‘Well I guess you are very Canadian now’ like an accusation or a curse.
UGH!
I am furious. Why does a woman who wants to take care of herself and better her future have to be accused of being an overly independent brain washed feminist who has shunned her roots?
I mean what’s the point of speculating over some man who may or may not arrive? I still have to live.
The little patience I had bled out, and I pissily said, “Look either you can help me, Or I can find someone else who will.” (I felt very George Bush, Your either with us or against us)
And he says, meekly, “So you want to buy a condo.”
The thing about Indian people is, You could win a nobel prize in Physics, Solve the Palestian and Israeli conflict, develop a cure for cancer, yet some auntie will look at you and say sadly, "So Sad no, she couldn't find a husband, poor thing."
The ‘I am now 25 (going on 26) and need to make my life’s preoccupation- marriage chromosome.’ It’s not that I don’t want to get married; it’s just that I don’t feel the need to worry about it, just yet.
I am more worried that I won’t ever have one of those ‘Gone with the Wind’ kind of loves. I mean I could theoretically get along with just about anybody. That’s so blah. I want the ultimate, the incredible, the unfeasible and the incomprehensible kind of love that makes life exciting. Yes I am a little too starry eyed.
I went to see my financial consultant, a genial old Indian fellow.
We exchange pleasantries and I say, “I want to buy a condo by the end of next year, so I need to make sure that I am saving enough money.”
He looks up concerned.
And he says, “Let me tell you a story….There was a girl, much like you, who come to Canada, and became very ‘Canadian’ (he spits the word Canadian like a bad taste in his mouth) and she bought her own condo. Then she ended up meeting a man, who she married, only the fellow mooched off her. Because she was independent the guy didn’t get a job, and when they got divorced he got half of her condo.”
(CP thinking and this has what to do with me??)
He looks at me sweetly (head titled) and says, “Listen you live at home, and when your Prince Charming comes, together you buy a house and Live happily ever after.”
And I stare at him and he continues on this line of reasoning for the next forty five minutes, giving me the most bizarre examples of why I should get married before 30.
I conceded the obvious fact: two incomes are a whole lot better for maintaining a standard of living. (I held back the fact that it wasn’t necessarily better for ones mental health.) Yet I would still like to have my own place.
He looks at me as if I am slow. And he repeats, deliberately articulating every word, ‘Just wait till you marry Prince Charming. He will take care of you.”
I say (a little louder) “that’s not an option.”
And then he drops the bomb, ‘Well I guess you are very Canadian now’ like an accusation or a curse.
UGH!
I am furious. Why does a woman who wants to take care of herself and better her future have to be accused of being an overly independent brain washed feminist who has shunned her roots?
I mean what’s the point of speculating over some man who may or may not arrive? I still have to live.
The little patience I had bled out, and I pissily said, “Look either you can help me, Or I can find someone else who will.” (I felt very George Bush, Your either with us or against us)
And he says, meekly, “So you want to buy a condo.”
The thing about Indian people is, You could win a nobel prize in Physics, Solve the Palestian and Israeli conflict, develop a cure for cancer, yet some auntie will look at you and say sadly, "So Sad no, she couldn't find a husband, poor thing."
12 comments:
I hear you.I keep getting asked why is it am not yet married. Thing is whether or not I get married it is still fine.But,am not averse to getting things for myself and if that makes me less of a woman well......
Bwoy, I could tell you some choice things to tell the ba$tard! >:-(
It is so funny how cultures differ. Here in Jamaica, a financial advisor would probably advise a woman against buying a house jointly with a man, husband or not.
Your FA sounds like an asshole though. Maybe he can't find a woman to marry him so he's actually courting you!! C'mon, marry the guy already.
lol, Cool Destiny, I like your take, sadly the FA simply represents the Typical older generation Indian male, and I think he is genuinely concerned.
i think he got the idea in the end though.....
if you get a prenup, no moochers can take half your condo
better to live with ten cats than a crazy husband
Um, not in the cat phase just yet, am still concerned that they would eat my dead corpse, should an accident happen..
Trouble: Now your speaking our lanugage! My dad would be proud!
Tradition bites doesn't it? Just secure your goals now. The men will come later.
Sign a pre nup. blaze a trail!!!! Have you seen "Bend it like Beckham!" If not you should -- think you will like it.
Gooders I loved Bend it like Beckham, and I loved Monsoon Wedding even more....do watch it if you haven't seen it....
Leon, Truth be known I love tradition, even when I don't agree with it. As much as I point to Indian culture here, I think its general thought that a woman should be looking to settle down by a certain time....especially if you want to procreate.
25...the quarter life crisis age...at least you're planning for your future...
Did the husband thing...but luckily made it out of the marriage BEFORE buying community property.
IF I do it again.....buying my own place...on my own. He's welcome to rest his head there....but if he chooses to depart, he departs without a stake in my home. Period.
Keep the independent attitude - if you CHOOSE to marry, Prince Charming will be pleased you're self-sufficient and a strong woman able to make it on your own.
He is probably telling your story to other customers about the rude Canadianized Indian girl who wants to buy her own condo. Lol. I would have just left. No way in hell are you telling me how to spend my money. Wait for your Prince Charming is the stupidest thing I have heard in awhile.
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