Between the ages of twelve to eighteen I was phone obsessive. Your typical teenager, I would take the cordless to the shower, conducted clandestine conversations with potential love interests and performed in-depth analysis of situations with my trusted friends. As the years passed, I got off the phone trip. I think it had a lot to do with dating someone long distance for three years. Calling continents away is expensive so you teach yourself to say all the important things in five minutes or less.

Switch forward to today and I’d rather sit in front of a computer screen than tell you silly details about my life. Last night crooner calls and he wants to chat. His chat really cut into my American Idol watching, and obsessive flipping between MTV & CNN. Also I hate the getting to know someone phase. The “tell me about you” bit. You can learn about me, from being around me. Having to tell you about me is very boring. It is like a dramatic job interview. So I’ve set up a fact sheet for all:

Things to know about Cranky Putz:

~I don't like anyone talking to me first thing in the morning. I believe waking up is best done in silence. You do your thing, I do mine. Unless you’re going to give me some first thing, don’t talk to me.

~I make my own tea…… people always mess it up.

~I love old bluesy jazz music...the kind they used to make in those Smokey halls with people dancing around big pianos...like Ella Fitzgerald or Nina Simone....

~I sleep in the fetal position. And if I am home I must have a sheet wrapped around me. It’s a comfort thing.

~I get fed up of people, I love them around, but eventually I want them to go home.

~I like traveling, but I get lonely fast. Like when I was in Europe, I was homesick most of time and only really valued the experience when I was home.

~I like surprises.

~I like change...I get bored easily. That's why I've always thought I would be most happy in war zone. I know that's a very flippant thing to say, but it seems to me, that you only appreciate life in the most extreme circumstances....otherwise you take things for granted.

~I like to laugh. And I lean towards the sarcastic end of the spectrum.

~My favorite thing to do on a weekend, if it is cold: lie on my couch and watch all the pay per view movies possible, or if it is warm: be outside for as long as possible.

~I love Stones ginger wine.

~I am really into spa music for some reason. So much so that I am contemplating making a section of my house very Zen like....u know buying one of those fake waterfall contraptions. I bought a massage therapy book from Beauty Center in Mumbai and I am determined to learn the arts of healing. So far though I’ve only flipped through the pretty pictures.

~I used to be a Brownie, and I earned a badge for swimming, even though I could not swim at the time. I eventually learned to swim when my father threw me into the deep end and said, “Swim.” I spluttered around for a bit, but when I realized he wasn’t coming to save me, I began to float.

~I like gold, a lot of people out here like the platinum stuff, but really it looks like silver, so why not wear silver?

~I read two books a week, or at least I used to, but I currently owe the library $8, in over due fines, and am thus avoiding the library for as long as possible, only I am running out of books. I usually read books in the library and then buy them later, my plan is that I will re-read all the really good books when I am old and have nothing better to do. One of My favorite book is “Far From the Maddening Crowd” by Thomas hardy, because it all seems inevitable. It's a big book, and a classic, so it can be boring to read, but there is an excellent movie version, that is only semi boring to watch...

~Gone with the Wind is a great movie. "Fiddle Dee Dee." Blood in Blood Out is a Classic, if you don’t like either, chances are we won’t really get along.

~I like to say “Oey Vey,” which is a Jewish phrase that fits any situation from happiness to irritation to confusion…

~I love Carey Grant. I always thought men should be more like Carey. He seems dependable, strong and loyal. How come American men don’t talk like that anymore??

~Soup should be reserved for sickness. Chicken Corn Soup and Gumbo soups are the only soups that matter.

~I get sick often. For three years I had a cough that wouldn’t go away and then mysteriously disappeared. I think these little idiosyncrasies make me quirky in a good way.

~In another life I will be writer who writes pretty stories.

~The book I most recommend is the Poison Wood bible, by Barbara Kingsolver.

~My grandfather on my dad's side, died when he was 12. He used to play the violin. My grandmother remarried and we call the guy Uncle, our whole lives we have called him Uncle. I wonder if it bothers him.

~I have long toes. When I used to dance a lot I went to buy dance shoes, and this Chinese family crowded around me and pointing at my feet laughing.

~I wrote my will last year. I was bored at work, and it is one of the most fun things I ever did. I keep revising the dress I am to be buried in.

~I love the beach. When I am old I want to be as close to the beach as possible.

~I think being an 'auditor' is the most pointless job ever. They basically check, that someone else is doing their job....what's the point of a boss then?

~I like the rain, I love lying in bed on a rainy day, with the window open, hearing the rain outside my window, snuggled in bed. Then again who doesn’t??

~I am smidge bossy; a smidge. When I was eight I decided my friends needed to up their education and exercise level. I thus opened a library, began a mini newspaper and started them on an exercise routine courtesy of my Jane Fonda tapes. It was a rousing success for summer, fell off completely by winter.

~After watching the English Patient, I have determined that it very important to have a capable man. A man who is able to carry you to safety and not some pansy who tells you to wait in the cave, and forgets where it is. Every man is thus judged by the “In Times of War” clause.