I called Crooner today. It was eleven and the call went straight to his voicemail. So I cleverly left a message, about how jealous I was that he was still asleep. I got a call back almost instantly, and in a curt voice he informed that he was not asleep and was not a bum. I laugh it off, and ask what he has been up to for the week, share my own goings on. Then he brings up the point that we still haven’t gotten together. I decide that this is it, I am going to get biblical on his A&&. So I say, “Ask and Ye Shall receive.”
Then Crooner says, “Well I don’t date.”
(Now men of the world I ask you, if you don’t date, why do you ask a girl for her number, flirt with her shamelessly, ask her where she is going to be and randomly show up and get all huggy feely? Why not just be a ‘friend’ and ask my views on philosophy and shake my hand at the end of the night, instead of trying to grab my posterior?)
I say, “Well ok then…”
Crooner says, “What does that mean?”
CP, “Well when a man says he doesn’t date, it is usually not a good thing, and usually requires a few Doctor Phil interventions.”
Crooner (all upset and insulted,) “How come girls have so many hang ups and issues?”
To which I sigh. How do I have the issues? I didn’t even ask him to date, if he had said lets meet for a drink, or go see a movie; I wouldn’t have taken up signs marching up and down the street proclaiming we were dating. But if the first thing a fella says to you is I don’t date, you have to wonder what he’s going to say later on, I don’t do relationships, I don’t want to get married, I don’t want kids, I don’t like your parents, I don’t like your hair today, I don’t I don’t I don’t. Also what part of dating does he find objectionable, is he going to be like the shyster and split everything even keel? Jeez Louise….issues!
So I say, “Alrighty well Taryiho, Gotta go”
So Now I’m singing the Barry white Song, “Kiss and Say Goodbye” as an ode to the demise of the crooner.