Thursday, August 02, 2007

Dearest Cranky Putz:

We thank you for your recent submission. Enclosed is your laundry list of irrational fears with our expert comments,

I am fat. –Remedy, Start Tae Kwan Do again CP, this Saturday, aim to go to a minimum of three classes a week, you’ve paid for it. Everyone thinks their fat, and most of the time they are right. Maybe not fat in the obsese OMIGOD 'how do you get out of the house kind of way,' but in the ‘I’m not the right weight for my body type’ kind of way. Your mid section has been increasing at an alarming rate. And your clothes are getting very snug. Time to face a little reality and do something about it.

Dracs is in a relationship with someone else.-Remedy, Um did you not see him with someone else? Understand that he does not want you, if he did he would be with you, simple as that. Also its not if he is in a relationship with someone else, it is that he is. Accept and get over it. If you do care about him, you will be happy that he is with someone, and know that eventually you will meet someone, it is the law of averages. Also stop answering his calls. It’s the least you can do to get yourself some space and peace of mind.

I can’t afford this condo-You can and you have. It’s done, stop worrying about what is already done.

I can’t afford to buy stuff for the condo-Most of the stuff is bought, you were smart, you went ahead and bought a ton of stuff already. The sofa will work out, and everything else you can buy later.

I am going to die all alone-Maybe, but then everyone in the world dies alone. You can’t take anyone with you to the other side. Get over it.

I am all alone, no one’s here to help me out- So your parents can’t really give you any money right now. This was your own venture, remember? This is the first real adult thing you are doing all on your own. Yes it is freaking scary, but most of all, its really really good. It’s a major accomplishment. Huge. Be proud of yourself. And everyone is out there to help you. Your real estate agent, your mortgage guy, all the wise people who keep dropping off mortgage referrals…..everyone. Also remember God helps those who help themselves. Stop being whinny and help yourself.

I’m never going to fall for anyone again.- You may not in the next year. But you will eventually, because let’s face it, you’re a sappy person. You secretly believe in true love and all that crap. You believe in it a little too much, which is why you’re always surprised when things don’t end right. Let’s try to be more realistic going forward.

My life is out of my control-No it’s not, nothing is even happening.

The market crashes and my condo is worth nothing-Markets go up and Markets go down. It is cyclical. Life is cyclical. Forgetting this, is like pretending your never going to die….in your case…all alone…waaaahhhhh.

Sincerely,

The Society of Irrational Fears & Obsessions

Ps. As you can see we are wise beyond our years, failure to act upon these recommendations will result in your list being elevated to the society of Actual Fears & Obsessions….

15 comments:

Miz JJ said...

Are lists are too similar.

Definitely stop answering calls from Dracs. That situation requires you to have some space.

GC (God's Child) said...

the problem with your condo is only a problem if you suddenly don't want a place to live and don't want to rent it out.

Also I suggest you change DRACS' name in your phone to "Do not answer" as a little reminder when he does call not to answer!

Good luck on everything and can we see photos of the new place? Just the inside--you don't want to attract stalkers or anything.

Christie said...

Yeah, I agree. Answering the exes call is just a bad idea. Do you really ever feel better when you get off the phone?

Jumbie said...

Ever wondered what happens to your pee after you flush?

blog Portland said...

Did they include a free trial of Xanax with that letter?

Fiyah said...

I wonder if I can apply for a job at The Society of Irrational Fears & Obsessions?

Jdid said...

back to the fat reference which everyone seems to be ignoring. Since when you getting fat? Oh and remember this, when you move out on your own mommy wont be cooking for you every day so ...... either you'll lose weight from not eating right cause you cant or wont cook everyday or you'll gain major weight from eating more junk food.

there i just added to the irrational fears list :-)

Lene said...

don't worry about moving. you should have a party, and i will bring chili chicken from lucky's. i can't promise that some of it will be gone by the time i get to your place though.

and email me, and i will let you know about the promotions through rogers.

kimba said...

Dracs.. :(
I agree with changing his name in your phone to Do Not Answer.. or How Bad Do I Want TO Feel Today?

All very normal fears my love - you'll get there..

Nia said...

New homes is what house warming parties were made for.

Mad Bull said...

Congrats on the condo. Don't worry about Dracs, you will find someone else. A girl as pretty as you are will only die alone if she is determined to. Thats just my 2 cents

jennifer starfall said...

my list is longer.

you'll be fine! if all else fails, you can come live in my backyard. i have a great tent.

Leon said...

I need to make a list of my fears too. You have quite a lot. Guess you're an emotional mess like the rest of us.

Warren said...

Hi CP,
as a fellow somewhat single Canadian I feel your fears. But your blog about it was really encouraging.

Abeni said...

next year this time you'll be laughing at this list