Tuesday, November 27, 2007

A wandering eye

All my boyfriends have cheated on me.

That’s a statement I would refrain from making on the first date. And the second and the third, because let’s face it, there’s the warning siren that should accompany that statement, which says, I come with baggage, large, badly wrapped baggage.

The thing is it seems like most men I encounter have a wandering eye. Not just men I’m dating, have dated, or could date….all men. Even the good and sweet ones that got married early to good, sexy women, who love them inspite of their questionable sense of dress, and music tastes. Not all cheat, but all do develop some sort of fantasy/obsession with women. I think it’s the, ‘I can’t touch thing,’ that makes them obsess about it. They look around and suddenly women they would never have been attracted to before are hot…super dooper hot. And they can’t have….so they want.

My male friends seem to think that women are the same.

If that’s true, and all over the world there exists two people in committed relationships crazily eyeing everything that passes them by, so then the question is: why do people get married?

Is it worth the risk? Honestly is any one faithful anymore? Is there someone out there, so fascinated and in love with someone that the thought of even looking lustfully (notice the difference from appreciating) abhors them to no end?? (Besides Marika ofcourse….)

21 comments:

Christie said...

I "appreciate" many men, but I honestly only get turned on by my husband. God's honest truth.

bitsandgiggles said...

I'm going to jump out of my cynical body armor and say it's possible. However, I'm not sure where those guys are. Definitely not bars. Maybe the grocery store?

Chris said...

Well, I don't think they develop a fantasy/obsession, it's just that you start to notice it as the relationship goes on. It's biology. But there's a big difference between someone with a wandering eye and someone who really does wander. I've never cheated on anybody but that doesn't mean I didn't glance at anyone else. I don't think you can shut that off. You can control acting on it however.

My male friends seem to think that women are the same.

I used to think like that too. But I finally figured out that I was never going to be able to figure out women.

Jumbie said...

You've been dating the wrong boys, haven't ya?

Funny enough, I could say I have never met a woman who has failed to let me down...

The OE said...

This is exactly why I've worked so hard to protect National security.

Abeni said...

Some say marriage is a business venture. The cynic in me would want to agree but more power to those who make it work.

GC said...

I'm with Jumbie

there are faithful men out there who make an effort not to stare at stranger boobs and try to put others out of their mind but you have to give them a chance first.

Miz JJ said...

I know there are faithful men out there, but they are not the type that women go for. I am not using the nice guy stereotype, but I have three great male friends who are single. I know these guys wouldn't cheat, yet they are all single. They may not provide the heat, animal attraction, lust at first, but I truly believe they'd make good husbands and fathers.

Leon said...

Don't be too cynical. I don't cheat. But with the hot chicks passing me by on a daily basis, and them beginning to notice me as a handsome guy, I just may devolve into one of those cheating bastards. Lesson: Not all men cheat.

dalia said...

jumbie, you hit it right on the head:

miss putz, you've been dating boys.

Melody said...

It's prob'ly impossible not to notice other people -- I've noticed other people, mi husband has as well. There's no hunger for dem though, ultimately we feel only passin' admiration. In any case, it's advisable to starve de thought -- feedin' any animal only encourages it to linger.

aarond said...

Putz (sorry I just love shortening your name - rolls of the tongue better that way and I get to feel like I am both making fun and having fun with you), I am sorry to hear that every single one of your boys have cheated on you. I say boys cause men do not cheat (or is it that they care enough not to get caught). I go by the end it rather than cheat philosophy. I have never cheated but I do know that sometimes my eye has perused the other aisle. Kind of like when in a liquor store after 2am, I cannot buy but I still like looking at the things that my tongue has a taste for. The thing about getting burned is that often we have to sample different things till we figure out what temperature is good for us. I have found that when in a relationship that I am invested in, there is no thought of ever wandering. But in one that u are not truly into, thoughts creep in. Sorry for making such a long comment...will probably have to blog this one of these days.

Jdid said...

I agree with Chris. Look I always heard that just because someone is married that doesnt officially make them blind. the wedding ring does not automatically turn off your vision.

There is a big difference though between checking someone out and wandering in my opinion. I'm married but I can appreciate a lovely lady walking down the street and think she's beautiful or she has a lovely figure without oogling or drooling. I think I would question whats wrong with me if I couldnt.

But at the same time I'm not willing to go chase after women or get myself into dumb-ass situations for a piece of tail cause its just not proper in my opinion.

that said i cant always harshly judge folks who cheat cause i'm not in their shoes and dont know what led them down that path. i'm old enough now to realize that alot of stuff we see as black and white is actually shaded in various hues of gray

Bush Babee said...

Ok... this is an unpopular thought and I may loose my "man card" for it but it's been my experience that the reason that most men wonder is because they're not getting what they want at home.

That usually means sex or a variety of sexual experiences. Like Eddie Murphy said, once you get used to this one saltine, and you figure out you're going to get the same saltine everyday, you start to wonder.

Heaven forbid a man is offered what he thinks is a Ritz. Then like Bill Paxton said in Alien... GAME OVER, MAN... GAME OVER... (told you that it was going to be an unpopular thought)

Peace.

Crankyputz said...

Bush-It's actually one of the more truthful comments made.....Lord help us ladies, when our man is offered the ritz.....Lord help him when I find out...

Radmila said...

It may not be appreciated, but here's my two cents.
Cheating says less about the victim of cheating than it does about the cheater.

I don't necessarily agree with the idea that "there's something wrong in the relationship". Sometimes it's true...but often I think it has to do with the cheater themselves.
Issues to do with their own egos, or self-esteem that consistently needs to be fed.
People who know who they are don't need to cheat, betray and sneak around.
They know right from wrong and respect their relationships.
People who are insecure need to get into another relationship to get out of one they are in...or worse, constantly look for something that they think might be better.

In the end, cheaters cheat themselves. People involved with cheaters like to imagine that there is something wrong with the cheaters spouse/S.O. to justify what they are doing, and to make themselves better about screwing someone else's spouse/S.O.

Radmila said...

P.S.: This is coming from someone who has been in every position:
Cheated on/cheater/cheater's on the side girlfriend.

It took me a long time to figure out who I was. Once I had that down...it wasn't so hard to navigate my own way through life.
Honestly.

Cheating takes a lot of effort, and it's thrill seeking behaviour. You have to grow up and know what you want and how to get it before you realize that cheating isn't worth the effort, and that those that cheat on their spouses/S.O. will cheat on you too...because it's mostly about them, and their issues.
It's a selfish act, of an unevolved person.

Mad Bull said...

Man is greedy. He always wants more. If he feels he can get away with it, he will go for more all the time. Thats basically all there is to it.

By the way, when I say man, that means humans. Plenty women are players too!

SimplEnigma said...

Aargh lost my comment twice!

There are many good men out there who don't have a wandering eye...they're usually snatched up first. LOL. My guy friends who I know like that are all in 10:21:56 AM relationships (except one and his problem is that he's just pretty much clueless about everything).

I think a lot of men go thru their phase and then once they have it out of their system they can appreciate the beauty of the woman they are with. Unfortunately not all men get it out of their system.

Fiyah said...

Well, I don't think there is any one right answer to this one. In my experience though I have felt so strongly about a woman before that, without even realizing it my eyes and mind never wondered. To me she was the most beautiful woman not airbrushed on TV and it made no sense to check out other women who I deemed to be inferior to her. And I think I will feel that way about a woman again... I hope. If I can do it, I suppose there are plenty other guys out there who do it too...

Anonymous said...

I personally think that if you are in love with someone that you should feel guilty about turning your head...everyone glances at people and you know what you saw....keep it in your mind and dont let your thoughts n run wild....its one of the ten commandments not to look after people with lust...and as a christian woman that has been around lots of lost and born again men...i know that good men will fight the temptation...my husband does the same thing...and its a constant battle...just be forgiving but dont let it go to far...let him know asap...just be polite.