Thursday, September 11, 2008

Da Hooch

Four girls traveling together usually means that each girl takes a particular role.

In this trip we had a hooch.

The hooch is the friend of a friend who tags along for the trip.

She seems like a nice girl, and on the plan ride over, she tells you her life story, she has an 8 year old daughter (you do some quick math in your head,) she’s dating this guy whose wonderful, except when they broke up, he got another girl pregnant, (warning bells begin to murmur in your head,) she’s on the trip to let loose and have some fun.

When you take the hooch shopping, you notice a particular trend in her habits. One size too small, ill fitting clothes that scream ghetto, are the first things she reach for. The Hooch loves to try on clothes, and whilst the three others wait around, store after store, silently cussing her in their head, she remains happily oblivious, squeezing her ladies into another ill fitting top.

Soon the hooch is insisting on stopping off to get a temporary ‘pay as you go phone.’ She reminds everyone that she is a responsible mother, and needs to be in constant touch with her daughter. Reasonable enough, we all haul ourselves over to the store, and wait the hour and half it takes her to pick out the phone.
Fast forward to later in the evening, her new phone is ringing off the hook. You ask the hooch is everything is okay at home. The Hooch, beaming, informs you the guy she’s dating from TO is in New York for the weekend, and wants to meet up with her. The girls weigh in; happy that’s she about to get some weekend love.

The Guy fails to show up for dinner. The Guy fails to show up for lunch the next day.
Eventually the Guy shows up at 2 am. Within an hour Hooch and Guy have disappeared.

There is no news, no call, not a peep from the Hooch for two days.

Eventually the Hooch appears. The Guy walks her into the house, whilst a BBQ is in full swing. The Hooch says not a word. After Guy has left, Hooch freshens up and makes her debut. Within a half hour the Hooch finds a mark, and attacks. Within two hours Hooch and the mark have disappeared to Juvet (an all night fete.) In the morning Hooch is no where to be seen.

On the eve of our departure the Hooch returns, haughty. She tells anyone who will listen that she’s had a great time. Her enthusiasm is met with palatable irritation and annoyance from the rest of us, who had to listen to various lectures over the weekend about our slutty friend.

The Hooch then realizes that she has no way to get home. She forogot to book her return ticket. The Hooch is informed that she is to depart the house the next morning, and is wished well on her way home.


Jim said...

lol. Does every trip need to have a hooch? Sounds like a little more filtering in your travel acquaintances should be used next time. The hooch sounds bloody annoying!

Radmila said...

LOL...don't worry about hooch...hoochies always find a way.

Ruthibelle said...


if you ask me, the hooch did exactly what she promised to do: let loose and have some fun!

Grant Miller said...

Is this about me?

Cliviaalana said...

thank you.. i just never knew what her name was...ha ha ha

GC (God's Child) said...

I just feel bad for the kid

Stunner said...

LOL! Well she certainly got to "to let loose and have some fun."

dalia said...

that's i travel with cousins or only one person at a time. i have noooo patience for such nonsense. and my mouth is quick.

Jdid said...

there's one in every crowd

Abeni said...

every crowd needs a hooch

Adrian said...

lol they are needed so we can have great blog stories.