Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Return of the Cranky

My dearest Would Be,

It’s finally here. The big 3O. Years ago, in Dubai, my friend Jen and I were sitting in a parking lot (our equivalent to a park) having a serious conversation about life. Jen said that 30 was the IT year, the year that really determined whether your life was going to soar, or stagnate by the pre determination of birth.

So here I am, 3 months till the big 30, reviewing the status of my life. Of course optimistic, non cranky people will say, count your blessings, your accomplishments, your happiness and memories.

Cranky me says this, I long accepted that the love of my life thing would not work out. As my mum put it yesterday it’s like you’ve already gone through four divorces without any freaking alimony. So I settled on attainable dreams. Like going to Rio on my 30th birthday. I have a job for the dollars, I have Travelocity for getting there and physical shelter, I have the lonely planet for advice on where to go, what to wear, what to eat. Yet I can’t go. Because Would Be, no matter how self sufficient you are….you are always dependent on others to make your dreams come true. Sure I could in theory go to Rio by myself, but really which douche travels to a country by themselves on their big birthday? Especially a girl?

Where are my friends you ask? Good Question? Where are those people obligated to support my dreams and hopes? Where’s the unconditional love?

It doesn’t exist Would be. At 30, people have lives, commitments, plans, that don’t include you. You must fend for yourself.

I am cranky Would-be. And thus all blogs to follow will be about this new found mid life crises.

I will whine, I will cry, I will beat this topic to death.

Because after all, it’s my party and I’ll cry if I freakin want to.

Ps. I am convinced you're dead. Waiting for you is like waiting for Godot....


abitofeverythingbymizjj said...

It's tough being single when you're friends have lives that don't allow them to take off like they use too. Maybe you can plan a shorter trip somewhere closer. New York over Thanksgiving could be fun! I do know that however you celebrate that your 30s will be the beginning of something great!

GC {God's Child} said...

Cranky, do you plan on dying at 60?
Put your big girl panties on and go to Rio and have a damn good time.
You never struck me as shy. I'm sure you'll meet plenty of fun people to hang out with.
And you know what, don't you find that after day 3, company goes stale anyway?

Irie Diva said...

Nevermind just come to jamaica for your bday and we'll have a blast!

my big 30 is in two years and if LB dont sort out himself by then ima hurt him yes i will

Jdid said...

yea what GC said!
sheesh if you're having a midlife crisis at 30 imagine what you'll be like when you hit 40. you'll be looking at old age homes lol

Ness said...

My Dearest Cranky,

ok - I know it's really hard, and I'm still waiting for my Would Be to show up too...

BUT - I won't have you wallow in self pity! After a big break up back home, I pulled myself together and then spent 4 months travelling all over the world by myself. Some places were easier than others, and I went through a lot of stuff. But afterwards I felt like I could do anything, and that's what helped me move to NYC from Sydney.

Go to Rio. Stay somewhere where you'll meet other people. Doesn't have to be a hostel, but do some research so you don't end up in a big hotel all by yourself. Or go to Salvador in Brazil which I hear is amazing and arty and easy to meet people. Just go, and celebrate yourself and everything you have ahead of you.

Some inspiration for you:

Now get out there and book a ticket!

Abeni said...

I hate to travel alone so I feel what you are saying. As the single friend it is hell to nail down friends to commit to doing things together.So sometimes you just gotta fly solo

cooldestiny said...

As an only child, I have grown to treasure my own company... and it is good to take some time, be alone in your own space, to rediscover yourself and the skin you're in. Not time to start going through a mid life crisis hon ... so much more out there to be seen, done, tasted, smelled, smoked, and enjoyed!!