There is a Drake song that goes a little something like this,
“Don't ever forget the moment You began to doubt
Transitioning from fitting in to standing out.”
It’s 2011. And I’ve had a great start. The year ended in Acapulco, celebrating my birthday with some dear friends and many strangers. New Years was all fireworks from a cliff, picturesque and gorgeous. And then I came back and threw an epic party.
I like throwing parties, fun, loud, unruly, happy parties are my thing.
And now that all the hype has died down. I’m reflecting. Reflecting on joy. Insane, insatiable happiness, that makes your face flush, your heart thump, and your pores exude energy.
I’ve been living a few joy less years.
Despite my general wisdom and awareness, I’ve fallen into a rut, a rut of expectation that life is a mediocre, predicable humdrum. That no matter how exciting a moment is, it goes back to being blah, pretty darn quick.
Some people tell you to avoid the drama, avoid the highs and lows, keep it even keel. Because let’s face ‘peace’ (which a lot of people pray for) is just that, the absence of any sort of discord.
And yet I confess when I look deep into my soul, I realize that discord, change, travel, chaos are things that bring me Joy. They scare the heck out of me, they keep me up at night, they can make wake up in pure terror, but ultimately, I usually go to bed with a deep sense of satisfaction.
So let’s be honest. Living in a cold country does not give me joy.
Trying to fall in love with good men, who do not stimulate me in any way-does not give me joy.
Not travelling-does not give me joy
Not going dancing once a week – does not give me joy
Not reading beautiful books that make me cry and touch my soul- does not give me joy
Not talking about life, love, war, famine, politics, religion-does not give me joy
Not having parties every so often-does not give me joy
Life is about balance, and so this year I hope to find a balance between fear, peace and joy.