I am in the analysis stage of getting over dracs.
I analyze first thing in the morning, because as soon as I wake up it hits me hard, that I can’t call him during the day and I won’t be seeing him again.
I analyze last thing at night. I remember all the various fights and it comes down to the fact that I never trusted him. Perhaps that was my fault.
Then his words ring in my ears. About how he isn’t ready to settle down, how he wants to see do other people, and in my head I imagine seeing him around the corner, casually enquiring how all his whoring is going. Is it working out for you?
Ugh, getting over people is such a pain. Wish I could go to a memory eraser, like in that movie ‘Eternal Sunshine.’
In other news, I have found the ‘theoretically’ perfect condo of my dreams.
It’s in the right area, it’s huge, in an old building which I find charming, but most people would find cruddy, it’s a huge space, huge living room and dinning room….a proper dinning room that I could make into a library. I am to see it Monday. Most likely nothing will come of it, but jee wiz it has been fun to dream for the past couple of days.
It is scary though, learning about co-ownership rules, property taxes, and the cost of hydro! And then the inevitable ‘what if’ questions arise. What if I lose my job, what if I am poor and destitute, what if I get lonely. Worse what if I become one of the million single women who get so used to living by herself that she ends up all alone. (I am seriously going through a needy phase!)
Then again life is all about chugging forward, and the most exciting times of life are usually the ones where you have everything to lose.
I analyze first thing in the morning, because as soon as I wake up it hits me hard, that I can’t call him during the day and I won’t be seeing him again.
I analyze last thing at night. I remember all the various fights and it comes down to the fact that I never trusted him. Perhaps that was my fault.
Then his words ring in my ears. About how he isn’t ready to settle down, how he wants to see do other people, and in my head I imagine seeing him around the corner, casually enquiring how all his whoring is going. Is it working out for you?
Ugh, getting over people is such a pain. Wish I could go to a memory eraser, like in that movie ‘Eternal Sunshine.’
In other news, I have found the ‘theoretically’ perfect condo of my dreams.
It’s in the right area, it’s huge, in an old building which I find charming, but most people would find cruddy, it’s a huge space, huge living room and dinning room….a proper dinning room that I could make into a library. I am to see it Monday. Most likely nothing will come of it, but jee wiz it has been fun to dream for the past couple of days.
It is scary though, learning about co-ownership rules, property taxes, and the cost of hydro! And then the inevitable ‘what if’ questions arise. What if I lose my job, what if I am poor and destitute, what if I get lonely. Worse what if I become one of the million single women who get so used to living by herself that she ends up all alone. (I am seriously going through a needy phase!)
Then again life is all about chugging forward, and the most exciting times of life are usually the ones where you have everything to lose.
No comments:
Post a Comment