Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Driving Rules in Mumbai

  • Might is Right: It's like the food chain, rickshaws give way to cars, who give way to lorry's who give way to jeeps..
  • When you approach an intersection, speed up, and drive right in....(blind spots are irrelevant)
  • There are no lanes, feel free to make your own
  • If traffic stops for more than five minutes, it is absolutely ok for you to get out of your running car, and walk a few kms to find out what the hold up is
  • In narrow areas, it is fine for you to block the entire flow of traffic with your car, because you need to drop your mother/sister/daughter to the door step....after all why should they walk even two steps on their own?
  • Trucks love to venture everywhere, no matter how small the roads are
  • Honking is your God given right, like breathing, it must be used constantly
  • The more you honk randomly and flash your lights excessively, the more likely traffic is to move....(or so you hope)
  • If you get stuck somewhere, feel free to stick a leg out your rickshaw to help push the object blocking your way along.....whether it be a another rickshaw, car or even a person
  • If you are a driver, you have every right to drive on a sidewalk and yell at random pedestrians who have the gaul to walk in your way!
  • When you reverse it is absoultely essentail that you have THE most Loudest, annoying music with which to do so....
  • Making a U turn anywhere is A ok....
  • Slowing down is never an option
  • Waiting for someone to reverse is for pussies....instead feel free to drive around him as he painfully trys to make sure he doesn't hit you
  • Rearview and side mirrors are optional, as are seatbelts
  • Child seats? what are those
  • It is perfectly safe for an entire family of four, a wife, dad and two kids to be on a bike in peak traffic, without helmets.....helmets are so over rathed.....much like overcrowding
  • You must at all times mutter badwords in Hindi under your breath....you only use the English word Fuck, when someone actually gets in your way
  • Driving within cms of another car is the way to do it, gaps and spaces are just plain silly....Again being a pussy comes to mind
  • Avoiding pot holes are of paramount importance, so much so that it is much better to swerve into a lane with pedestrians than drive into a pot hole
  • As soon as you feel the road get smooth, it is absolutely essential to crank the speed up to 70km an hour, even though you can see everyone two minutes away from you come to a complete dead stop

And inspite all of this, they never ever ever get into accidents


Scratchie said...

And here in the Western world we build highways and people die every minute from crashes. disorganization is the way to go...lol

GC (God's Child) said...

sounds like a religious experience

Leon said...

Sounds like it's brutal!

Marika said...

I love it! You've written that brilliantly...I felt like I was there.

ms. complexity said...

I'd still rather be THERE than HERE!!!

Miz JJ said...

Lol. My mom worked with a doctor from India and her parents came over for a visit. They were horrified when she braked hard near her home for a neighborhood dog. Her father said it was bad enough they slowed down for people, but now they were slowing down for a damn dog. Lol. Hope you are soaking it all up.

Abeni said...

Sounds exciting!

Jdid said...

lol, i love it
i know the whole pothole thing. back homemy dad goes to great lengths to avoid every single pothole lol